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dlh:
A friend
of mine sent me an e-mail that had me in stitches,
I must share it...
dlh:
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower
and spinach,
dlh:
And the Devil created McDonnell's. And McDonnell's
brought forth the 79 cent double cheeseburger.
And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with
that?" And Man said: "Super size them." And
Man gained 5 pounds.
dlh:
And God created the healthful yoghurt, that
woman might keep her figure that man found so
fair.
dlh:
And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman
gained 5 pounds.
dlh:
And God sent heart healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them.
dlh:
And the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through
dlh:
And God brought forth running shoes and Man
resolved to lose those extra pounds.
dlh:
And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil to change
channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained
another 20 pounds.
SnafuFoobar:
Actually when I go to the US I am always impressed
as to just how w*I*d*e Americans can get their
backsides. Other countries have plenty of fat
people, but they're normal, round fat. Only
in US can the buttocks and thighs be expanded
so far laterally. Good Job!
Madpole:
How heavy is the MAN by now - I am loosing the
track! ;-)
dlh:
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable
naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin
Isolani:
and angels came to earth bringing "kill your
television" bumperstickers...
dlh:
And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man
clutched his remote control and ate the potato
chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Man went
into cardiac arrest.
Madpole:
I am still not sure what happened after Man
was arrested for Cardiac Offences - was he prosecuted
?!!!!
dlh:
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass
surgery. And the Devil and the devil cancelled
mans insurance
Parsifal:
man's - please
eadon-com:
mans'
dlh:
God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken
and cook the, mans'
dlh:
nourishing whole grain brown rice.
Isolani:
And the devil brought forth pork, an excellent
substitute for tofu..
dlh:
And the Devil created light beer so Man could
poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous
because he had to drink twice as much of the
now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man
gained another ten
dlh:
here is where it really gets funny---
dlh:
And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman
ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate
and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
dlh:
And the man told the truth. And Woman went out
from the presence of man and dwelt in the land
of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage
counsellor.
dlh:
And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and
took unto herself comfort food. And God brought
forth Weight-watchers. It didn't help.
dlh:
And God created exercise machines with easy
payments. And man brought forth his Visa at
21 percent.
dlh:
And the exercise machine went to dwell in the
closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure
suit.
dlh:
anyway, there you have it: a few cute and paste
problems from html to txt to ICC
iseaid:
maybe you should have just given us the address?
dlh:
this was an email from a friend of mine, I don't
think he credited the source but let me check--
Isolani:
dlh you should just let us think you were very
very witty
Isolani:
which I'm sure you are...
eadon-com:
perhaps dlh did make it all up in real time
but is too modest to admit it
Madpole:
what's REAL TIME though ???
SnafuFoobar:
Without any time things would all happen at
once! That's why it exists! MadPole tells you:
yes.....
Madpole:
can time be UNREAL ?!!!
Isolani:
Time really is a measurement of distance.
iseaid:
depends if you live in the sixties
eadon-com:
time is the square root of minus one times distance
and moves at the speed of light
iseaid:
time is very different from distance, ask any
physicist
eadon-com:
time is very similar to distance iseaid, if
you study Einstein's equations of relativity
you will see that time is nearly identical to
distance
iseaid:
have done and I still maintain a fundamental
difference between time and distance
Madpole:
but not the same ?!!!
Isolani:
The meter is the length travelled by light in
a vacuum in one/299 792 458ths of a second.
iseaid:
time travels in only one direction
Madpole:
"Nearly identical" - I love it! ;-)
SnafuFoobar:
I agree completely with iseaid ...... time is
fundamentally different to other dimensions
Madpole:
how "near" that would be ?!! 5 yards or 3 minutes
?!!! ;-)
iseaid:
time-like intervals have very different properties
to space-like ones
eadon-com:
not true SnafuFoobar, because space cannot be
considered without time and vice versa, I think
iseaid:
Newton considered space without time...
eadon-com:
we are travelling through spacetime at the speed
of light. If we are still in distance then we
move through time at the speed of light...
Madpole:
and how about considering everything together,
keeping it separate at the same time ?!! ;-)
Madpole:
which probably would require ANOTHER dimension!
eadon-com:
but if we are moving through space then we move
through time more slowly, time slows down, but
our total motion through time AND space is still
the speed of light
SnafuFoobar:
It *is* true ....... time is totally different
....
iseaid:
you tie together space and time into an invariant
interval...
SnafuFoobar:
I can easily move forwards and backwards in
space - returning to the same point. You cannot
do that in time.
Madpole:
oh yes You can!
eadon-com:
you can SnafuFoobar, you just need negative
energy to do so
SnafuFoobar:
Ah ! slight snag then
Isolani:
The ABC of Relativity, by Bertrand Russell.
Great reading while having the occasional colonic
at the ashram.
Madpole:
listen to old song...old picture... and suddenly
everything will flood .. And You will find yourself
at the point You were when You were listening
to it first time...
eadon-com:
and it is possible to create negative energy
by the way
iseaid:
negative energy is not a problem at all
SnafuFoobar:
These are just theories ..... and absurdly primitive
ones at that ..... don't you see that in 100
years Einstein will seem laughably simplistic
eadon-com:
no more than Newton is today
iseaid:
SnafuFoobar...if you have studied Einstein's
system you might appreciate a beauty which people
in a hundred years time will certainly see
SnafuFoobar:
of course - but it will not be last word
Madpole:
there is no such thing as "last word" Same with
"Last Supper" !
iseaid:
good link madpole...back on topic
SnafuFoobar:
I thought he meant that amusing film
iseaid:
heheh
Madpole:
I have last supper Every single day!
Madpole:
providing that I am not on diet !!! ;-)
Isolani:
Two tickets to the last supper were sold on
Ebay for big bucks
Madpole:
Supper is supposed to be last meal anyway! ;-)
Isolani:
last supper, last cigarette, blindfold...
Madpole:
some people prefer it in slightly different
order! ;-)
Isolani:
This chat needs a segue.
Madpole:
what's that ?!!!
eadon-com:
a smart arse word
Isolani:
Smooth shift to another... yes, eadon got it
Madpole:
my arse is not smart unfortunately! and it can't
talk! ;-)
eadon-com:
you need to talk out of it on this channel.
It is the only rule
Madpole:
doesn't understand words - my arse! ;-)
eadon-com:
the admins muffle you if you talk intelligently,
I am told
Madpole:
???!!!
Madpole:
Sorry - my first appearance here!
Madpole:
Confused mind is an open mind - and my mind
seems to be in total confusion! Judgement Day
it is then!
eadon-com:
arrange agent Sculley from the X-Files to appear
before me
Isolani:
That was my third wish after rubbing a lamp
once.
Madpole:
I don't know what people see in Sculley but
that's perhaps not very religious subject...
although it could be made religious very easily...
now You got me paranoid!
eadon-com:
did the first two wishes invoke agent Sculley
also?
Isolani:
Uma Thurman
eadon-com:
ah yes, I see we have similar tastes in the
pleasures of the female temptations
Madpole:
Are we talking Goddesses here ?!
eadon-com:
we are indeed, Madpole
Madpole:
Good - wouldn't like to leave religion behind!
;-)
eadon-com:
I will worship at the sacred alters of Uma and
Gillian Anderson and sacrifice man fat.
eadon-com:
sorry, got all carried away there. ahem. [The
hazzards of combining booze with this channel
are evident]
iseaid:
why fat men?
Madpole:
You are forgiven! I hope You have religious
experience!
Isolani:
If "worship" comes from the Greek meaning "to
value" then men worship females. Hence - sex=religion.
That's my idea for a tax-exempt lifestyle.
eadon-com:
if sex=religion then what is lust? Perhaps lust
is just a cult or new age
Madpole:
lust is a religion too. there is no difference
between lust and addiction! ;-)
Madpole:
is "lust" just demanding too much of something
- no matter what it is ?!!! Why people associate
lust with sex ? I don't see the connection!
FriarFryUp:
hmm lust does not always have to be lust for
another person. Greed, another form of lust,
and idolatry goes with the "don't covet your
neighbor's stuff and his wife"
Madpole:
exactly my point, no ?!!
FriarFryUp:
his daughter, that's another matter :)
eadon-com:
can you covet them sometimes FriarFryUp?
Isolani:
Buddhists say "grasping" which includes lust
and the fear of dying.
Madpole:
are people who play poker all day long "lustful"
or not ?! I would think so!
FriarFryUp:
it's one thing to "want" something, as in need
for survival, or taking away a burden. It's
another to just "desire" it, although you have
no real need for it
FriarFryUp:
hmm, not sure about that madpole. good question.
but, it is not wrong to have fun. I mean, intense
desire. more than just "wanting" or "wishing
to have" rather
eadon-com:
you know, if your neighbour was Agent Sculley
out of X files (a program I do not watch), then
it would be very difficult not to covet her
Madpole:
but desire is good, energy producing source...
it is just what one does with it... no ?!
SnafuFoobar:
I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want
to be there when it happens!
Madpole:
"intense" means even MORE energy - which one
can convert into GOOD causes!
FriarFryUp:
depends. An intense hunger/desire for God, sure
an intense hunger/desire for material possession,
no that is idolatry.
Isolani:
I'm like a jelly-fish. I have no huge cravings,
very little impetus, a debilitating lack of
will to do anything I don't really want to do.
Somehow I get up and go to work. I'm not crushed
when I don't get what I want. Because I want
about as much as Thoreau wanted when he lived
on Walden Pond.
eadon-com:
good point, but what if you want to be crushed,
what then?
Isolani:
I really can't think of anything I'd want more
than what I have, though what I have is pretty
simple.
Madpole:
because I am totally opposite - and can confirm
that I get crushed every single minute... And
that proves good for my soul and Ego too....
the point being: "All roads lead to Rome"....
Madpole:
if one lives in Europe that is! ;-)
iseaid:
or anywhere in Africa and Asia
eadon-com:
where do all roads lead to in the States?
Isolani:
The whole US is paved.
Madpole:
And the pavements lead to.......
Madpole:
I know - I actually been there !
Madpole:
there isn't anything which does not exist already!
iseaid:
what about a list of all the things that don't
exist yet
Isolani:
agent Sculley in front of eadon-com
eadon-com:
Indeed, that does not exist :(
Madpole:
be careful what You say because it might become
REALITY! ;-)
eadon-com:
you are right MadPole, if it happened I would
surely die of pleasure
Madpole:
but are You ready for death ?!!! Or just for
Scully ?!! ;-)
eadon-com:
hard decision to make in an offhand way
Madpole:
maybe You should read "Tibetan Book of Living
and Dying" before You meet her then? ;-)
eadon-com:
I am not an x-files fan, but when I saw the
movie, where she is about to kiss that bloke
then she gets stung by the bee, she was just
amazing in that scene
Madpole:
one picture... not movie! ;-) one image....
eadon-com:
and when she was covered in that slime, wow!
:)
Isolani:
Who's that actress in the UK detective show,
"No Job For a Lady"? Wow
eadon-com:
oh was that Helen Baxindale? She is utterly
surreally attractive
Isolani:
Helen Baxendale!! wow
eadon-com:
that is 3 out of 3 Isolani, we have identical
tastes in women
Madpole:
I wish I could sympathise with your feelings...
maybe You cold send me a picture.. a link.....
but then lust would become an agenda again!
;-)
Isolani:
eadon you have good taste.
eadon-com:
and permit me to congratulate you on yours
Madpole:
but don't forget about MEDIA! Beauty is not
what You think it is! ;-)
Isolani:
You mean Medea? or Media. Not the mythological
Medea, but media as in "it's the message"?
Madpole:
MEDIA! And the fact that probably You wouldn't
even notice most of the women YOU desire if
You met them on the Street.
eadon-com:
I like the natural look MadPole tells you: most
famous women are ugly ! ;-)
eadon-com:
too many women look like tarts when they wear
makeup, I believe, except natural looking makeup
:) But the look must be a composite, a holistic
appearance of perfection
Madpole:
exactly! Go to Poland or Czech Republic and
what You will see will be BEYOND your wildest
imaginations! And those women don't even realize
their value ... because there are thousands
of them! ;-) Humble, normal, no-makeup simple
girls who would beat any Actress in beauty contest!
Isolani:
Next vacation: Czech Republic, since it happens
my favorite beer is brewed there also.
eadon-com:
I will join you there. <goes to travel site.
books flight>
Isolani:
I'm married, so my excursions will remain mere
fantasies. But I like to admire. Hope you get
lucky.
eadon-com:
I am married also, I too am dreaming rather
than planning :(
Isolani:
Sorry to hear that eadon-com (not really. Please
chat fast so this scrolls up before my wife
enters the room :)
Madpole:
I am off to seek the TRUTH - will tell You what
I found ! ;-)
eadon-com:
you are off to seek beer!
Madpole:
Surely the same thing, innit ?!!! No driving
involved... just romantic, spiritual walk.....
;-)
eadon-com:
a walkual for spirits
 Please add your comment to this page | | | | | | From: |
GODS MESENGER | Subject: | 2005-01-06 00:03:15 |
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