Hippos - beware!
The Feng Shui Hippo is a pseudo-psychic
Hippo. He has a bachelor's degree in confidence
trickery and a world-wide reputation as master
psychic. He randomly generates vague truisms
dressed up as predictions and charges extortionate
quantites of moolah for the privelege of listening
to them. In other words, the Feng Shui Hippo
is an Astrologer.
The dodgy beast branches out into other areas
of fraud, for example he has a penchant for
making a tidy fortune out of Tarot card readings
and of course, Feng Shui: an art particularly
suited to his special brand of hipposh*t. Fortunately
for him, he is trusted implicitly; Adam
sees him as a hippo they could go to the pub
with for a pint and game of darts, and Eve
wants to put their arms round him and give him
a big cuddle. By sincerely exploiting such fake
integrity the Hippo watches the nice little
earners come rolling in as fast as the punters
can say "So what's my destiny then, Mr
Hippo, Old Bean?"
The Feng Shui Hippo is so rich he can even support
a family. Mrs Hippo has a side line selling
"lucky heather" to unlucky-looking hags of gypsy
persuasion. His little kiddie hippos however
prefer to earn extra pocket money by running
extortion rackets and protection rings from
their school playground. The teachers pay the
little scamps ten percent of their pitiful salaries
in return for priceless gifts of peace, tranquillity,
cheap alocopops and averting a pupil revolt
in the classroom. It's lucky for the kiddie
hippos that their father hasn't found out about
their outrageous, obnoxious scam. If ever the
Feng Shui Hippo got wind of the untold riches
his thieving offspring were trousering, he would
bellow with riled incense; shake with troubled
wrath; holler with indignant rage and demand
fifty percent of the profits - and no more pocket
money. And no pudding for a week! Awww!
It seems Feng Shui Hippo schooled his little
'uns well in the sacred Feng Shui arts of villainy,
sneakiness and corruption. And you could learn
his valuable secrets too, for a modest sum for
consultancy, of course.
See Also: The
Feng Shui Hippo Maniac Zodiac
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