Eadon on Silly Names

I was one of countless cogs in a mammoth international megacorp machine. Inevitably, there are some people who also work megacorps who have been gifted with amusing names, see the email screenshot below. I swear this is not fake.



Is that a marriage made in heaven? Since that screen shot was taken, a certain A. Wanka has appeared on the mailing list. More recently, the T&A gems below appeared:



Incidentally, I have it on excellent authority that in the late eighties there was a student at the Telford College of Arts and Technology (England) called Sean Connery Bond. Poor bastard.

There is an Eric Foreskin living in the Midlands.

A mate called Steve Hunt told me his old man had to dissuade his mother from naming him Michael.



An engineer I used to work with, a great guy, has a fairly normal name, there's nothing very silly about it: Rick Stoker. But his name has given rise (pun intended) to his nickname, Dick Stroker. Even though it is crude, this stands as the most amusing nickname I've ever encountered.

Another name that is not daft except in context is Geof Bates. But, back in the dismal days of my yoof, he was my school Headmaster. Schoolboys did snigger schoolboy sniggers.



A certain Crozzer reviewed a movie I received this message, the author of which presumably stumbled across Crozzer's review, and was apparently under the impression that I am the mighty Crozzer.

At last I have found something on the net with a reference to "Crozzer". Me and my 'buddies' have long used the word Crozzer as a reference to many things. How did you come by such a fine name? I will briefly explain how we came up with the word "Crozzer" ourselves...... One of my mates used to work as a care assistant for a wheelchair bound gentlemen going by the name of Colin Crosby. He used to wear the most ridiculous coats in the world. Hence us adopting the word crozzer originally to depict a jacket that was of dubious quality e.g wax and tweed jackets. From there the words "croz" and "crozzed" were developed. If you are "Crozzed" you would basically be inebriated by some form of substance, if you are or were a croz you were struggling to walk on your own and may need help from a specially designated social worker.
I hope this is of help to you becoming "Crozzer of the Year" and I look forward to hearing from you so you can explain the origins of your "Croz-ability".
- Alan

Me (Eadon) again. To answer Alan's question, Crozzer gets his nick, like the hapless Colin, from his surname: Crosby. (His christian name is the disappointingly dignified James). I'll ask the lads to vote on whether Crozzer is worthy of your "Crozzer Of The Year" award, so watch this space, for I'll deliver the verdict in due course.

If anyone else out there knows personally of someone's name bastardised into an amusing noun, verb, adjective or what have you, please be sure to tell me.



Then you have nominative determinism: the idea that you follow a profession based upon your name. this is an old idea, Carl Jung, and New scientist, have written about it. There are endless examples, and they are great fun, but rarely more so than when you stumble across it yourself. I recently realised, upon receiving a letter, that my solicitor/lawyer's full name is Sue Wright. (I just knew her as Sue, which is bad enough). Surely this cannot be a mere coincidence, and, worse, did I select her subconsciously for her name? Not that I'm suing anyone, mind you, but talk about your name being an advert! This inspires me propose a new species of nominative determinism: Nominative Self-promotion: your name advertises you. Sue Wright must be the ultimate example, but I am very keen to learn of others.
Nominative determinism update: A friend of mine, Babs, assures me that her "mother worked in a hospital under a Sister Payne and a Dr Blood" and she knows a teacher called "Maggie Lerner". A talkback comment mentions a historian, Preserved Smith. A recent submission (you'll find the full entry further down the page) included this example: "I frequently had to pass a certain undertaker's premises in Hull. His name was Boddy"




From my student days: an ex house mate, a not unattractive lass, went by the name of Holmes, christian name: Charlotte. You guessed it in one, she was oft referred to by her dreadful fellow students as Sherlock. Mind you, she was set on a career as a corporate bean counter, so I doubt she had the real Sherlock's passion for adventure at the time. She was a good sport though. Is her name funny? It's elementary, my dear reader.

Someone I used to know swore she went to school with an Oliver Double.

As life progresses, I increasingly pity people lumbered with boring, almost anonymous names like Mike, Steve, Dave, Rob and so on. Have parents no imagination? If you are thinking of naming your unborn, may you draw inspiration from the fabulously insane names on this page.



One of the talkback comments (see near bottom of this page) mentions a Mrs Whorebastard. Can anyone confirm or deny the existence of this awesome name? Meanwhile, do you know anyone with a moniker that is: silly, daft, amusing, rude, uncannily appropriate to their job, double entendre, comical? Please contact me and I will publish - or alternatively leave a comment on this page using the talkback below. Of course, evidence of the said person's actual existence would be appreciated, to help separate urban myth from fact.

Thanks,

Jim