Eadon on Silly Names


my name is sillier, octopussy!

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Funny Names

I was one of countless cogs in a mammoth international megacorp machine. Inevitably, there are some people who also work megacorps who have been gifted with amusing names, see the email screenshot below. I swear this is not fake.

a marriage made in heaven?


Is that a marriage made in heaven? Since that screen shot was taken, a certain A. Wanka has appeared on the mailing list. More recently, the T&A gems below appeared:

t and a names


Incidentally, I have it on excellent authority that in the late eighties there was a student at the Telford College of Arts and Technology (England) called Sean Connery Bond. Poor bastard.

There is an Eric Foreskin living in the Midlands.

A mate called Steve Hunt told me his old man had to dissuade his mother from naming him Michael.


Names that seem innocent - at first

An engineer I used to work with, a great guy, has a fairly normal name, there's nothing very silly about it: Rick Stoker. But his name has given rise (pun intended) to his nickname, Dick Stroker. Even though it is crude, this stands as the most amusing nickname I've ever encountered.

Another name that is not daft except in context is Geof Bates. But, back in the dismal days of my yoof, he was my school Headmaster. Schoolboys did snigger schoolboy sniggers.


Names as vocab

A certain Crozzer reviewed a movie I received this message, the author of which presumably stumbled across Crozzer's review, and was apparently under the impression that I am the mighty Crozzer.

At last I have found something on the net with a reference to "Crozzer". Me and my 'buddies' have long used the word Crozzer as a reference to many things. How did you come by such a fine name? I will briefly explain how we came up with the word "Crozzer" ourselves...... One of my mates used to work as a care assistant for a wheelchair bound gentlemen going by the name of Colin Crosby. He used to wear the most ridiculous coats in the world. Hence us adopting the word crozzer originally to depict a jacket that was of dubious quality e.g wax and tweed jackets. From there the words "croz" and "crozzed" were developed. If you are "Crozzed" you would basically be inebriated by some form of substance, if you are or were a croz you were struggling to walk on your own and may need help from a specially designated social worker.
I hope this is of help to you becoming "Crozzer of the Year" and I look forward to hearing from you so you can explain the origins of your "Croz-ability".
- Alan


Me (Eadon) again. To answer Alan's question, Crozzer gets his nick, like the hapless Colin, from his surname: Crosby. (His christian name is the disappointingly dignified James). I'll ask the lads to vote on whether Crozzer is worthy of your "Crozzer Of The Year" award, so watch this space, for I'll deliver the verdict in due course.

If anyone else out there knows personally of someone's name bastardised into an amusing noun, verb, adjective or what have you, please be sure to tell me.


Nominative Determinism

Then you have nominative determinism: the idea that you follow a profession based upon your name. this is an old idea, Carl Jung, and New scientist, have written about it. There are endless examples, and they are great fun, but rarely more so than when you stumble across it yourself. I recently realised, upon receiving a letter, that my solicitor/lawyer's full name is Sue Wright. (I just knew her as Sue, which is bad enough). Surely this cannot be a mere coincidence, and, worse, did I select her subconsciously for her name? Not that I'm suing anyone, mind you, but talk about your name being an advert! This inspires me propose a new species of nominative determinism: Nominative Self-promotion: your name advertises you. Sue Wright must be the ultimate example, but I am very keen to learn of others.
Nominative determinism update: A friend of mine, Babs, assures me that her "mother worked in a hospital under a Sister Payne and a Dr Blood" and she knows a teacher called "Maggie Lerner". A talkback comment mentions a historian, Preserved Smith. A recent submission (you'll find the full entry further down the page) included this example: "I frequently had to pass a certain undertaker's premises in Hull. His name was Boddy"



More servings of daftness

From my student days: an ex house mate, a not unattractive lass, went by the name of Holmes, christian name: Charlotte. You guessed it in one, she was oft referred to by her dreadful fellow students as Sherlock. Mind you, she was set on a career as a corporate bean counter, so I doubt she had the real Sherlock's passion for adventure at the time. She was a good sport though. Is her name funny? It's elementary, my dear reader.

Someone I used to know swore she went to school with an Oliver Double.

As life progresses, I increasingly pity people lumbered with boring, almost anonymous names like Mike, Steve, Dave, Rob and so on. Have parents no imagination? If you are thinking of naming your unborn, may you draw inspiration from the fabulously insane names on this page.


Wanted - Genuine Daft Names

One of the talkback comments (see near bottom of this page) mentions a Mrs Whorebastard. Can anyone confirm or deny the existence of this awesome name? Meanwhile, do you know anyone with a moniker that is: silly, daft, amusing, rude, uncannily appropriate to their job, double entendre, comical? Please post a comment using the talkback below (or contact me). Of course, evidence of the said person's actual existence would be appreciated, to help separate urban myth from fact.

Thanks,

Jim

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daft names sent in

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January 2009  
Submitted by various
Silly names One of my mates was called Steven Jelly fairly amusing on its own but his mum was called Flic (a shortening of felicity) Girl in class was Penny Chew One of my GP's is called Dr Badcock with another Suffolk GP called Dr Feltwell. I used to have a patient called Jean Poole and the same practice has my favourite name Peter Rout....some parents should be shot! All true and genuine.
Submitted by darrell

Wayne Kerr is amazingly common. I was in High School with one in the 90's. At another school, in another city, my English teacher admitted to having taught another, ten years prior. That second High School also had two woodworks teachers. A Mr. Carpenter and a Mr. Pine. And the cooking teacher's name I forget precisely, but kids used to call her Munchin' Burgers. (Probably Munchenberg or something.) She was slightly on the large side, as well. (Never trust a skinny cook!) (Faizah is my internet name, because my real name is stunningly normal and amazingly boring.)
Submitted by Faizah

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January 2008  
Submitted by Various
Silly names I happen to know a lovely lady called Honor Todd.
Submitted by Angela Hunsdon

I have a couple I have come across as a directory assistance operator. I would get prank phone calls all the time and usually would hang up, but I had a few that sounded iffy, but were genuine. For example, there is a person living in Ontario last name Myers, first is Mike. In our directory I once found last name Dyck, first Harry. Not H.Dyke, not Harold. He chose to list as Harry. On a second note, my mother's tennis instructor had the last name of Shakespeare, first name Will. Also I had a teacher whose last name was Hore. His daughter's name was Anita.
Submitted by Laura

My favourite silly names are former businesses: an off-licence in Davidson's Mains, Edinburgh, called Tipple and Son, in Dartmouth a chemists called Killer, a turf accountant called Blewitt (and a baker of the same name/family) and a legal practice called Lecher and Scorer!
Submitted by Mike C

hi there , really like your website. for your info .... there is a book out - i bought it b4 christmas - called 'Potty , Fartwell and Knob' - all real names backed up by census info etc - thought you would find it interesting - will make your eyes water if you haven't already seen it - author - Russell Ash publisher Headline enjoy! an example :Fanny F**ker - born wiltshire c.1825 I kid you not!
Submitted by donna

great website - my aunts maiden name was Penny Hoare. Turns out she was one too, she left my uncle and ran off with the next door neighbour.
Submitted by anon [she knows who you are :) - Jim]

I used to teach a girl called Emma Gore - it gave me huge pleasure to ask "is our resident monster in today, E Gore are you here?" I know, sad and pathetic but it always made me smile! My sister had a best friend at primary school called Adora. She was the youngest daughter of a large family. They were fine upstanding christians, all the kids were great athletes and they were of West Indian parents, all really handsome. The surname was Dick. I understand Adora went on to become a police officer. she must have grown tough - anything to do with her name I wonder?
Submitted by Jane

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August 2006  
Submitted by Various
Silly names I used to be a teacher and of course taught quite a few pupils with funny names such as the members of the Kerr family. There was Wayne Kerr, who loved his name! There was his sister Joanne Kerr, who liked to be called Jo! And there was his other sister Wendy Ann Kerr who signed her name as W Ann Kerr! I often wondered if their parents had a sense of humour or not. I taught the twins whose surname was Green. Their first names were Paul and Colin. P Green and C Green!! In addition I have heard talk of a pupil who went by the name of Aaron Mycock. When I was a young boy I frequently had to pass a certain undertaker's premises in Hull. His name was Boddy. Also in Hull there was a greengrocer called Sole, first name Robert. His shop sign read "Bob Sole's Greengrocery" and it was my dad who explained to me that he couldn't put up the sign that would read "R Sole's Greengrocery"
Submitted by Jim Mortimer

My husband works with a man called Shaun Bush.
Submitted by Kari

I know a guy named Rusty Mayo that lives in BFE Alaska.
Submitted by Jade

There were a few more submissions, tragically however I lost those messages - apologies if I lost yours! - Eadon
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July 2005  
Submitted by Eve (or P. Eve)
Silly names Hi. I used to work in horpital. My co-worker was Filipina married to American. Our nickname for her was "Lweena" her real name was (is) Halloweena Coffin. She was born in 'All Saints Day' in the Phillipines. I don't think her parents ever gave it a thought that she'd end up in America. The first name is bad enough then she ended up marrying that last name...go figure. We couldn't stop laughing then feeling badly for her (tho she was a wonderful sport). Lweena, if you read this, I'm sorry, I had to tell. But in case she reads this, my maiden name is Pearl E. Whites. When I married I didn't want to be Pearl E. Carpenter so, I use my middle name. Tah-tah for now.
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October 2004  
Submitted by Various
Silly names i used to work with some one called steve basket and his wife got pregnant so they decided to call it Peg, but i still keep in touch with her to this day forward.
Submitted by Stephen Ferrington

My dermotologist at North Staffordshire Hospital was called Dr. Body which I found amusing for a skin doctor. Can't confirm this other than the family still lives in the area my nan had a friend who's surname was Itchin, first name Fanny.
Submitted by Wayne Ravenscroft
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July 2004  
Submitted by Rhod
Silly names I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this before, but there's a town in Austria which goes by the delightful name of Fu*king (apparently pronounced "Fooking") Not surprisingly, the roadside sign keeps getting stolen as it reads "Welcome to Fu*king, Austria"!
Can you imagine the fun to be had ... "Hi. I'm the Headmaster of the Fu*cking High School. I live on the Fu*king High Street and I'm just on my way to the Fu*king shops to meet the Head of the Fu*king Police and the Fu*king Mayor!"
Try here for more details!
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July 2004  
Submitted by Rhod
Silly names We also had a John Thomas working at one of our production sites. Nobody could phone reception and ask for him by name without bursting into a fit of the giggles. At another site, we had a genuine Elvis Presley. He was often called to the phone by using an old tannoy system. "Elvis Presley to QA, please!" At school, we had an Anne Goes and a Joanne Cant, and my friend's wife told me of an Honour Commode at a local school. I recently heard of a Dwaine Pipe on the radio, but some of the best names come from sport. In soccer, I always wanted to see a midfield line-up of Julian Dicks, Uwe Fuchs and Stephan Kuntz ... just to hear the commentators describing the options available to Dicks, Fuchs, Kuntz! Celtic once had a player named Raphael Schiedt (who had his FIRST name on the back of his shirt!) A manager of Doncaster Rovers was Steve Beaglehole, and at the World Cup a few years ago, they had an Egyptian referee by the name of Mustapha Kamel! Finally, I know it's a made-up name, but some sort of a prize must go to whoever named the Aspen Women's Icehockey Team ... the Aspen Mother Puckers!!!`
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May 2004  
Submitted by Brian Prince
Silly names Firstly I would just like to mention my wife's name prior to our marriage was Elaine Eadon. Like yours an unusual surname in it's own right. But getting back to funny names, I used to work for Pirelli U.K. as a buyer. Whilst there I used to speak to the following people:-
1) A Mr. A. Hooker who I eventually found out was Alf Hooker.
2) A Miss Penny Farthing who eventually married and became Mrs.Penny Halfpenny this is true.
3) A Miss. Jenny Wren alas I don't know her married name.
4) We also had a Mr. Charlie Hunt who indeed had three sons who all worked at Pirelli. The eldest was Graham nothing unusual there, but the others were called Michael and Isaac purposely by Charlie who had a wicked sense of humour.
5) Lastly there was a young lady who worked in our Canteen called Chris Cross I don't know if she was any good at quizes.
All this information I swear is true=====Brian
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March 2004  
Submitted by Kerri O'Donnell
Silly names Thought I'd drop a line as I used to 'collect' daft names off a database when I worked for a Scottish electrical company...I still have a few printouts as well, but as they have account info, better not send them!
William Anker, William Bellend, P. Donn (this was also my team manager's name}, Captain Beany, Fanny Gobbledick
and the office classic: Rhoda Lott
Cheers
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November 2003  
Submitted by Babs
Silly names My headmaster in junior school was Mr Curried, headmistress in highschool was Ms Rice, imagine if they had married Mr & Mrs Curried-Rice. At the same time my mother worked in a hospital under a Sister Payne and a Dr Blood. My best friend was seeing a Tony Bennett, nothing funny about that I hear you say. I thought the same until I met his brother Gordon. My fella of the time was called John Thomas (he introduced himself as Nick, which was his middle name, which makes it even worse John Nicholas Thomas), what were his parents thinking. My friend Amanda Hilton considered calling her unborn baby Paris. Have a friend who teaches at my daughters school: maiden name Sophie Hurt, married name Sophie Payne. Also know another teacher called Maggie Lerner.
Jim Adds For the benefit of our non-English friends, John Thomas is an English euphemism for the male member. Gordon Bennet is an exclamation that is used in lieu of swearing. I've only heard it used once in real life, by a female Welsh student back in 1990, it struck me as unusual and coy at the time. The expression is most commonly uttered by TV comedy cockneys like Del Trotter from Only Fools And Horses, the famous BBC sitcom that was a good laff until the actor that played Granddad died, and love interest storylines appeared. The programme quickly decayed into an increasingly tedious and endlessly repeated soap (possibly a disastrous experiment in aping paradigms of successful American TV shows). I'm not sure real cockneys often mutter "Gordon Bennet" these days, perhaps only when the vicar is within ear shot. Usually, when the need arises to express dissatisfaction or surprise, cockneys reach for quaint Anglo-Saxon colloquialisms such as "Fack" and "Cant".
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October 2003  
Submitted by Simon Chambers
Silly names I lived in California for a long time and two names really stuck with me - one of my elderly patients was named Fanny Byrne, and a friend of my brother had a real name of Zeno Bianco the third - affectionately changed to Zero Blanco the Nerd by his mates!!!
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September 2003  
Submitted by Paul Topping
Silly names I have been doing a lot of genealogy work involving the 1901 British Census. As many american's will read this, I better explain that in the UK, 'fanny' has a different meaning to that in the States. Fanny is an old slang word for the vagina, and unfortunately also a common female name on the 1901 census. Pardon the pun, but I have come across many 'Fanny's' during my research. For example, there were 21 Fanny Hole's in 1901 England/Wales, 3 Fanny Mussell's, a Fanny Face, a Fanny Smell, a Pearce Fanny, Fanny Tongue and a Fanny Like.

There is also a Donald Duck and a Minnie Mouse, a Mathew Mark and a Luke John. No less than NINE Emma Royds are also on the census, a Hugh Looney and a Hugh Going. There is much more, but I'll fish off by mentioning the 22 Munster's and the 56 Frankenstein's that walked the UK back then
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May 2003  
Submitted by Lady Amber
Silly names I worked for a man here in LA who is still alive, kicking and quite the charmer. He happens to be gay, and his given name is Dick Weaver. To top it off, he ran a small publishing company for awhile called "Tale Weaver" publications....heh heh. Love ya Dick, if you ever see this!
I have carried many made up names in my life including Lady Midriff, Lady Amber, Amberglade, Shadowgirl, Lovitude and etc. My real name is Helen and for awhile (when I worked for Dick, as a matter of fact) I did music publicity under the nomiker Helen Heaven, pun intended. It got the attention of jaded music writers, at least.
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May 2003  
Submitted by Fred
Silly names A young lady was living in a small rural town in Queensland Australia. Her name was Amanda Ellem... I mentioned to her mother that the name sounded like my favourite flower .. her mum replied yes thats what she is named after ... alamander... [in the listed form Ellem, Amanda I presume - Eadon] say it out loud and be surprised :)
Two I remembered from high school ... Wayne King ... and Wayne Kerr ... Woodridge High in the 70`s ... i wonder what happened to them
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March 2003  
Submitted by Dorothy
Silly names I once took a loan application for a guy names Harry Bunns. Harry isn't even short for Harold. He enjoyed people's reactions to his name as much as they did.
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Jan 2003  
Submitted by Sarah
Silly names I happen to know Dick Shaker (not even short for Richard), the famous Hogg sisters from Houston Texas, Ima and Ura and Elementary school teacher, Fanny Crapps
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Nov 2002 my name is jack asste
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Oct 2002 hi i have a strange name for you, Jessica Kiri Apes!!
btw don't take the mick too much, thats my name!!
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Sept 2002  
Submitted by Erica
Silly names Hi Jim: I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets a kick out of funny names. Here are my favorite REAL NAMES from the funeral home data base I used to work at:

Dan D. Lyon
Tutu Lam
Dimples Mounger
Santa Michael Claus
Judy Eudy
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August 2002  
Submitted by J Strawn
Silly name As a bill collector I once called and spoke to a man named Gaylord Cox Jr.
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March 2002  
Submitted by Adam Harris
Silly name Hey, the names are author's. One of this guys book is called "treasures of the deep" and his name is "I.P. Nickels". Another is a author and his book is " treacherous cat" and his name is "Clawed Balls."
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May 2002  
Submitted by Sharlene
Silly names A couple who are related to me somehow through marriage, and not blood-related (thank GOD!) named their daughter, Lookin', and their last name is Good. Yep! Imagine getting a page, "Will Lookin' Good please come to the front desk?" Needless to say, the parents are throwbacks from the hippie-days.

I once worked with a manager/supervisor who named his daughter, Candy, unfortunately for her, their last family name was Kane. Hummmmm...what an excellent name for a stripper! Candy Kane.
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