Sagittarius
the Centaur
With the legs and body of a horse and the torso,
arms and head of a human, you are the jockey
and the nag rolled into one. You don't know
it but your mates place bets on you at the three
o'clock at Chepstow... when your form is good.
And you are hot with a bow and arrow.
You may be a bit passé though. Half horse-half
humans flicking arrows don't really cut it with
the Terminator generation. If astrology had
been invented in modern times, you, Sagittarius,
would be a very different beast! Forget
half
horse-half human. Forget bows and arrows.
Think
half android-half human! Think
guns! Think
cyborg maniac armed to
the buck teeth with automatic weapons, rocket
launchers and ammo belts!
You, Sagittarius, are so special because of
your charming lack of tact. Tact is such an
unnecessary burden on social intercourse. Much
better to set about galloping thunderously through
even the most delicately poised of situations.
Ruling Planet:
Jupiter
Sagittarius is honoured by the ruling planet
Jupiter, largest of the solar planets, King
of the Roman gods and a cracking symphony by
Mozart. You treat people like Jupiter (the planet)
treated comet Shoemaker-Levy. Ten out of ten
for style by Jove!
Your Luck
With
Money! 
Typical Sagittarius: you spend far too much
time on the phone. Why not call the rip-off
Feng Shui Hippo zodiac hotline? Calls charged
at £5 per minute peak rate. (Peak rate is all
day, 365 days a year.)
Your star is entering the sphere of Ascension.
This means: don't worry about being shafted
by the enormous phone bill caused by your calls
to the Feng Shui Hippo fake zodiac hotline.
That number again: 0898 RIP-OFF.
Your...
Future
If you're a true centaur thoroughbred you ought
to find employment as a brood mare or as the
king of the stud farm. Eventually you will be
put out to pasture with dignity, to be fed apples
by goofy girls.
If you are not a thoroughbred then it's off
to the knackers yard with you, to meet the burly
man from the burger factory down the road.
The Feng
Shui Hippo
Verdict
You're the twelve-to-one outsider at Chepstow
who maybe running into form, so say the insiders.
The Feng Shui Hippo has a placed a modest stake
on you with the little man in the pub with the
funny eyes. Giddy up Sagie!
Sagittarius
Star Rating
Are Sagittarians hopeless or groovy?
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