Bandits
Dir Barry Levinson
2001 PG 13
Bandits is a tragically poor movie.
Two convicted bank robbers (a pony-tailed Bruce
Willis and a piano-toothed Billy Bob Thornton)
escape from jail in the most implausible escape-from-prison
scene I've ever witnessed in a movie. And, once
out, they were mysteriously allowed to get away
in the most ungetawayable getaway vehicle conceivable.
What follows are the most unconvincing bank
robberies imaginable whilst the movie becomes
more interested with creating a completely laughable
romance gimmick.
Bandits desperately tries to justify
its villains: the " government steals
from the people, we steal from the government"
bullshit. The movie is full of scenes of brain-damaged
TV broadcasts that are used to condescendingly
explain the already-obvious plot to us - I HATE
the use of TV in movies like this. The movie
shouldn't need crass TV to explain itself. That
device is cheap, tacky and artless. In one such
TV scene the villains are described as "Robin
Hoods". What crap. These guys didn't give money
to the poor, they used it for self gratification:
Willis's character used his stolen beans to
charter a private jet to fly a chick home to
Norway, and bought a gold watch that costs the
same as a modest house. The more the movie urged
us to love the crooks, the more I loathed them.
The only likeable aspect of this movie was Billy
Bob Thornton's hypochondriac character. He was
supposed to be the brains, but he was funny
rather than bright. However he was Einstein
in comparison to Willis's crook, so no complaints
there. I absolutely hated the stuntman character.
The stuntman character wins the gorgeous, pouting
chick subplot was just dreck. I was mentally
pleading with the blonde to ditch him. Bandits
was toothache.
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spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
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Permit me to repeat, please do not read
the red writing in this box if you intend
to see this movie...
I've already talked about the implausible
robberies in Bandits, but
there are other questions. How come the
police believed Kate's story? Why was
it that tons of police appeared at the
first bank, but they were totally non
existent in subsequent raids, so much
so, that Willis and Blanchet actually
were able to return to the bank for Thornton.
Non-authorised personnel would not have
been given the opportunity to swiftly
remove "corpses" from the crime
scene. When that ambulance blew up, there
would have been no missing medical personnel.
The cops at this point would know it was
a fake accident, especially when the on-fire
dude vanished. When Blanchet goes missing
at the end, the cops would have put two
and two together and known her guilt.
So why the charade to make her seem innocent?
And so on. Was I the only one to throw
up at the end when Blanchet kissed Willis
and then Thornton and they all laughed
and clapped? Did they gang bang afterwards?
Sheer poncey nonsense!
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There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
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Someone realises that romance to crime movies
is like garlic to vampires, not necessarily
fatal, but not exactly welcome either.
Add your comment to this page
 | | | | | | From: |
Jonny | Subject: | 2003-06-06 03:48:36 |
| | | | | | From: |
ryan | Subject: | 2006-02-09 15:45:02 |
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