Blade II
Directed by Guillermo del Toro
Blade 2 features a vampire-human
half breed, "Blade" (Wesley Snipes),
a self-styled vampire pest controller. He teams
up with a craggy beardy dude called "Whistler"
(Kris, Kristofferson) and is implausibly recruited
by the vampires themselves to kill a race of
genetically modified vamps: - the
Reapers.
Reapers are basically bald vamps who are only
slightly less wimpy than "real" vamps
and are similarly easy or hard to kill, depending
on what the laughable plot requires at any moment.
Blade, unlike most of the vampires, insists
on wearing "cool" Matrix-style shades.
This distanced me from the character. Watching
Blade the character was a bit like watching
a robot/shop dummy on steroids. Why the shades?
If I can't see your eyes, I can't relate to
you, so why should I pay to watch u in a movie?
With my cynical hat on I would suggest that
shades makes acting easier for those who have,
shall we say, a limited range. Pose! Look mean!
Action! ... Cool is not cool. Show me someone
who looks "cool" and I'll show you a shallow
conformist droid who is told what to do by suit-wearing
MTV moguls. Methinks Snipes has the charisma
to hold a movie without hiding behind cheesy
gimmicks like shades.
Blade 2 gets brownie points
for...
Plenty of action
No love interest subplot - EXCELLENT!
Some of the sfx are nice
The black leather chick was a copycat of
The
Matrix black leather chick, but at least
she had a more feminine bod
Shite points
The action was 2nd rate
Most of blade is set in badly lit locations.
(Vampires hate light, how frigging convenient)
Silly fight choreography - complete with speeded
up film.
Sunglasses (yawn)
Hip hop sound track (rap in general is dire,
untalented whining)
Unscary, unmennacing bad guys
I didn't give a toss about *any* of the characters
The lousy dialogue. The one good line, "
keep
your friends close but your enemies closer",
was ripped off word for word from
The
Godfather Part II.
The MTV-style fast edits in
Blade II
substitute for any
real content giving
the movie the feel of a drug that makes hyperactive
kids drowsy. And even then
Blade 2
could only impress shallow juveniles who haven't
seen it all before a million times. And shallow
juveniles HAVE seen this kind of corporatation-manufactured
hip shite more times than there are red cells
in a vampires belly.
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spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
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Blade 2 has one funny moment, (well, intentionally
funny anyway). During the autopsy scene
where the black leather vampire chick
asks her colleague to hold something in
the dead reaper's mouth. When he hesitates
Blade says "Sissy!". I loved the way he
said that. But (and here is where one
of many unintentionally funny moments
kicks in) Blade himself didn't volunteer
for the job. A real leader would
have said, "Stand back! I'll show
you how it's done!" And he would
have done it. Blade is a sissy too :)
I came away from Blade with a single,
perverted thought... How does it feel
to be blown by a Reaper chick?
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There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
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Oh dear Lord save me from this bloodless crap!
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marv | Subject: | 2002-04-07 01:21:00 |
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True Critic | Subject: | 2002-08-23 01:53:06 |
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