Evolution: A movie in which the
CGI aliens are light-years more evolved than
the human characters. Duchovney plays a bored
teacher with a dodgy past. He investigates an
asteroid that has landed in an underground cavern.
(How convenient). The asteroid oozes blue stuff
that turns out to teeming with life that is
evolving with breakneck haste. (The movie insists
that this is nitrogen-based DNA life, LOL).
His professor mate (Orlando Jones) comes along
for the ride, forging a sort of straight white
guy-funny black guy double act that falls flat
on its face. But at least Jones was amicable
and he certainly wasn't irritating, Chris Rock-style.
Duchovney on the other hand was utterly unconvincing
because he can only play the quiet, sensitive
type. He wasn't loud enough or fun enough for
this wacky role, and his part was poorly written
anyway.
One lamentable problem with Duchovney and co
was that they didn't seem afraid of the obvious
dangers they are exposed to. Their jokey demeanours
were enough to destroy any atmosphere, without
the compensation of being funny.
The actors looked awkward as if they thought
the whole thing is a
sham. And, when
you see the pathetic ending, you'll see that
it is. A
sham-poo. (Sorry, bad pun based
on the dire product placement in
Evolution).
Julianne Moore is usually a cool actress, but
here she is not only the love interest but,
for some reason, the comic relief clown. Her
hilarious pranks involve a propensity to fall
over. It misfires badly. And her "romantic"
scenes with Duchovney are so writhingly stilted
it actually added entertainment value to the
film.
All the best scenes in
Evolution involve
the monsters. (Including a fantastic fly operation,
one of the three very funniest moments in the
film. The other two involve monsters too - and
- tellingly - none of the key cast). The monsters
were cool as hell, at least in the first two
thirds of the movie. The monsters are the only
reason why this film gets a half-decent score
instead of 1/5. They are a hoot. Go and see
Evolution for the creatures. Non-monster
fans need not apply.
Without wanting to give anything away, (except
in the Spoilers section below) be prepared for
a stupid ending. The first two thirds of the
film are actually great fun, so it is a real
let down.
 |
|
|
spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
|
| |
Evolution has the worst
ending I have ever seen in a movie. The
movie starts with those fantastic arthropod
things and then has some wonderfully weird
predator things. That sad dog with the
inner gob straight out of the movie Alien
was a hoot. The crocodile creature in
the golf pond was a scream too. The flying
lizard was OK, but didn't seem particularly
fearsome.
Then the monsters degenerated. The woolly
ape creature was getting back to seen-it-all-before-man-in-monster-suit
territory.
Then the amorphous blob in the ending
was the most boring monster I have seen
in *any* movie. What a crock of shit!
Worse, the ending of Evolution
was driven a product placement. These
days movies are so marketing-driven that
they will happily ruin a promising movie
by making the last twenty minutes into
a bloody shampoo commercial. A disgrace.
|
|
There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
|
|
|
Any ending where the monster didn't look like
the cross between a starfish and a 10 trillion
tonne turd, and was basically a commercial for
a tossy shampoo product. (I kid thee not). The
actors looked incredulous, their hearts weren't
in it, and I'm not surprised. Worst ending ever.
Thanks to Evolution, I'll ask my family
never buy head and fucking shoulders. Ever.
And as a protest, I would urge the audience
of movies to boycott all products placed in
movies. Or we are all in danger of finding ourselves
paying to watch ninety minute commercials.
Add your comment to this page
| | | | |
| From: |
Starchild | Subject: | 2002-09-26 12:58:04 |
| | | | |
| From: |
pete | Subject: | 2004-03-05 16:11:37 |
| | | | |
help: how to add your comment Page hits: 5531
