Plot:Scream 3 is a supposedly
Ironic self-knowing slasher movie - this is
the "final act" of the trilogy of
Scream films. A sequel of the film-within-the-film,
called Stab 2, is being produced when the cast
begin to find themselves at the slicing end
of a masked slasher's knife. Cue moronic slasher-bait
trooping around dark labyrinthine movie sets
in some kind of lemming like trance.
["Boom"!]
Review/(Slagging off in this case): Edvard
Munch was the Norwegian artist who painted
The
Scream, from which is modelled the white
mask worn by the psychos in the Scream flicks.
The anguish, misery, despair and dread pouring
from Munch's painting were remarkably similar
to the emotions poured into the my poor brain
by this film. As I watched my face grew to resemble
the Munch mask. Everyone in the audience clutched
their faces in their hands as they suffered,
not out of being scared, but out of being tormented
by the sheer, banal tedium. Had the slasher
appeared in real life in the cinema, everyone
would have queued up to pay him to put them
out of their misery.
["Boom"!]
I genuinely enjoyed the first Scream. But the
sequels, particularly this one, became utterly
Hollywoodised - and that is meant to be ultra
insulting by the way. This film was so institutional
that rather than being a supposed tongue in
cheek nod-nod-wink-wink knowing spoof, it demands
to be utterly derided in its own right.
["Boom"!]
The main girl/victim of the Screams was called
Sidney. What a mistake! How can to take a killer
seriously when he has to say "I'm going
to kill you, SIDNEY!" That's a blokes name.
Sid is Sid James out of the Carry On
films.
["Boom"!]
Sidney's brow furrowed and frowned and knitted
and configured itself into all sorts of concerned
tangles. Again. And again. And again. But the
heart really sank every time that journalist
woman (Courtney Cox) appeared. And she appeared
again and again and... again. Then, just when
one was resigned to the fork-scraping-the-saucepan-sound
agitation, suddenly her actress double who was
playing her in the film within the film appeared.
Cue twice as much irritation as
two pushy
women try desperately to be funny. They tried
to be sparky, to play off one another, to hate
one another and then finally teamed up into
the worst double act I have ever had the misfortune
to be tortured by.
Scream 3, to use an
American expression that isn't ghastly,
sucked.
Considering the first film prided itself on
defying the horror clichés, Scream 3
followed them to the letter. The events of this
film were so utterly predictable it became suspicious:
was the very predictability of this movie a
deliberate, intended as a joke to counterpoint
the first film? There weren't even any imaginative
deaths or even any canny plot twists.
["Boom"!]
Then there were other irritations - the false
scares. Somebody would be all alone, tiptoeing
along in the dark in fear of their life when
-
[The Bass Drum on the soundtrack goes "Boom"!]
- they bump into someone!!!
["Boom"!]
But... its only their friend!!!
["Boom"!]
Ohhh how I cheered ecstatically as this fantastic
ruse was repeated for the eighty-sixth time.
["Boom"! multiplied by
86] The pedal on that bass drum must
have been worn out from percussing those cheap
false scares
["Boom"!]
. (If the false scares were not very effective
the
real "scares" were still
born.)
["Boom"!]
The
Scream franchise should not have
clung on to its second rate "stars".
That is one reason why it quickly became as
stale as the crumbs left over from Christ's
breaking of his loaves. You could tell that
the director began to sense this. So desperate
was
Scream 3 that it brought back a character
from the previous films in a video playback.
The movie suddenly bust into life. He was the
only interesting character in the whole film.
Then we were dragged screaming back to the sterile,
sitcomesque sewage.
["Boom"!]
Oh and someone please tell Hollywood that self
referential cameos and name dropping of real
actors/directors is not hilarious. Hollywood
is up its own lardy backside as usual these
days.
["Boom"!]
The
payoff of this trilogy was utterly pathetic.
My own payoff would have been this: to be REALLY
CLEVER AND IRONIC Scream 3 becomes a
snuff movie. The Scream 3 cast and production
crew and Studio execs feed themselves into a
giant meat grinder to be processed into McDonald
Burgers. Only Microsoft, McDonalds and Hollywood
would shamelessly serve such shite up for human
consumption. ["Boom"!]
Add your comment to this page
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| From: |
J.Johnson | Subject: | 2001-04-27 18:42:11 |
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| From: |
Spoofnet | Subject: | 2003-08-31 18:08:22 |
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| From: |
ryan aka lil rat | Subject: | 2006-02-09 11:06:32 |
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