Star
Trek: Nemesis
Directed by Stuart Baird
2003 PG 13/12A
I love and have always loved astronomy, astrology,
astrophysics, cosmology, anything to do with
space. As a kid I was Isaac Asimov mad. I love
early Dr Who (Tom Baker) and I cannot resist
Star Wars
either. But
Star Trek never won my
heart. I confess! I was never a trekkie! As
a kid I watched the first-gen
Star Trek.
I was entertained and still like Captain James
T Kirk. But it never really set my pants on
fire. The second generation
Star Trek
was squeaky clean drivel, a total turn-off.
(Well, OK, one or two of the chicks were not
a turn-off by any means). I gave up on the whole
shebang.
I returned to the
Star Trek franchise
briefly to discover a bossy woman running the
Enterprise: she was earnestly trying to persuade
alien blobs in space not to mate with the Enterprise.
Honestly, I'm not making this stuff up. It was
dire. Goodbye forever. And I ain't never coming
back! I suspect
Star Trek is a turn
off because it has much to do with the fact
that the programs are chocker with do-gooders.
It is pious. It is horribly PC.
The touchy-feely aspects of
Star Trek
tried to put me in touch with my feminine side,
and I rebelled. It was not a conscious decision:
it was in my blood. I did not want to be preached
at and patronised. Give me philosophy, nothing
wrong with that at all! But give me some shit-eating
characters with some bollocks, give me excitement,
give me action and violence and cool special
effects.
So what about
Star Trek: Nemesis
then? The usual
Star Trek interstellar
garbage dump of a plot revolves around pointy-eared
alien race politics: the aliens being the Romulans
and Remans (Romulans and Remans!!! Geddit?).
The holes in the plot can truly be described
as black. Sagittarius A has nothing on
Star
Trek Nemesis.
Star Trek Nemesis
is barely watcheable on the big screen, but
I expect some trekkies might love
STN
as they are better able to ignore all the usual
Trekkie-style scenes that neither pay off as
drama nor entertainment. This movie was surreal,
a dark and gloomy
Star Trek, a far
cry from the ultra-sucky
Star Trek Insurrection.
Patrick Stewart played jean-Luc Picard of course.
This is one of the reasons I decided to watch
this movie: the guy can act. He has the ability
to rise above the shoddy material, to carry
a bad show and, on a level, actually make it
work. He often manages to overcome the cheesy
dialogue but this movie must have been grim
work. Without Stewart, this
Star
Trek Nemesis would have been even
more tragic. The rest of the cast were lacklustre,
Data was the most human of the lot. Even the
villain was rather harmless and goofy. I did
not care what happened to him or to any of them.
Star Trek Nemesis
is salvaged by some surprisingly good effects
and set pieces. But the post-climactic ending
dragged on for far too long, I was getting bored
by the time the credits rolled, as I explain
in the spoilers corner below.
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spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
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During the battle, the Enterprise was shaking pretty violently, judging by the fact that the camera seemed to be perched on a mad cow, but the crew seemed unperturbed, obviously having a magical ability to withstand shocks.
Data sported a fat double chin and wrinkles. Do androids age? And if so, why was his "prototype" middle-aged-looking too? The scene where Data flew through space towards the enemy craft, like Superman, was splendid.
But later on, when Data was atomised,
I was not moved at all. At first I thought
my lack of emotional response was because
I couldn't pity an android. But that is
not the case: in the underrated AI
I really did irrationally feel sorry for
the little bastard android as it prayed
earnestly to the Blue Fairy. That Speilberg
made me pity a character played by that
talented yet annoying kid was amazing.
And I was very moved by the scenes involving
the magic The Iron
Giant! My lack of compassion for Data
must be down to my total lack of empathy
for the character. So the ending shots
where everyone was mourning the droid
that bought the farm did not resonate.
Real humans died, but that did not seem
to matter. Perhaps that is the real moral
of Star Trek.
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There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
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I get to crash the Enterprise into the
production crew
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| From: |
ryan | Subject: | 2006-02-09 11:29:23 |
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