Troy
Directed by Wolfgang Petersen
Review by Jim Eadon
2004
Movie starts. Before long we are subjected to
mind-rotting >
whiney woman moaning
music<.
Helen of Troy-The-Movie is pretty rather than
classically beautiful. However, if installed
in an average office she would be considered
an uber babe: the face that launched a thousand
saucy emails. In the movie, though, her's was
the fake (performance) that launched a thousand
CGI triremes. Obligatory Helen jokes aside,
if the acting wench had been more skillfully
directed in
Troy,
i.e. perhaps instructed to be seductive rather
than confoozed, she could have come across as
irresistible.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
We (or at least I) don't want Helen to be moral,
we want her to be sexy and without a qualm at
the nightmare her eloping antics have spawned.
At one point the
Troy
the movie tries to justify the Trojan war as
not being about Helen at all, but about that
only Motive that Hollywood understands: Greed.
That was a great shame, as the hook of Homer's Illiad (on which
Troy is loosely based)
is that a trivial woman and prince genuinely
do cause ten years of mischief by their beauty
alone: the Illiad revels in such trivially induced tragedy and also on gods and men acting upon principles
(dodgy principles, but strong principles nonetheless),
not a land grab.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
It's ludicrously ironic that a shallow institution
(Hollywood natch) that is obsessed with producing
shallow movies could miss this point. (Both
Helen and Paris are portrayed by Homer as shallow,
superficial creatures surrounded by mighty heroes
and gods. Helen repents, but much later on,
if I recall). Paris himself is portrayed sympathetically
in this movie, depriving it of the natural tension
of the legend.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
Talking of the Illiad, are were the Gods?
Troy the movie is deprived of a spectacle! A few pantheon scenes with Zeus, Hera and their mighty subjects scheming away on Olympus would have been a treat for any Swords and Sandals epic. And where is some of the classic Iliad dialogue? It is a savagely lamentable victory of mammon over art how Hollywood dumbs down its scripts.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
As for Pitt in the star role of Achilles, he
doesn't convince as a leader or as an actor
in this. He worked hard on ballooning that body
into some steroid-like bulk, but he comes over
as a wimp's head on the shoulders of a giant.
In Fight Club he did come over as reasonably
formidable, but here, for some odd reason, he
seems dwarfed. Again, this is partly down to
woeful directing.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
God (Or should I say, Zeus?) I'm sick of
Whiney
woman moaning music (Gladiator, if I remember
correctly, and The Passion Of The Christ and
now
Troy). Arrrgh,
the
Whiney woman moaning music is like tinitus.
>
Whiney woman moaning music<
My grumbles about
Troy are plentiful but none
are fatal, they are scratches that miss all
the major arteries.
Troy has action; sensational
battles; some fantastic characters; it has Peter
O-Tool and Brian Cox pissing all over their
younger peers; it looks delicious; it is about
ancient times; it is memorable.
Troy has enough
saving graces for me to forgive it its sins.
I enjoyed this movie (viewed on the big screen).
Time went fast enough given its epic duration.
I can forgive anything if it has enough fun.
 |
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spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away
important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend
seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the
movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
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Eric (Mr Incredible Hulk) Bana, played
Hector, a role that was extremely sympathetic
as a character in both this movie and
Homer's legend. But this creates a problem
for the modern movie: who is the villain
(aside from Agamemnon)? The slaughter
of Hector by Achilles would be difficult
to justify by not-necessarily-superior
modern sentimentality. And here the movie
finds itself in the soup. Achilles is
the centrepiece of the show: mighty Agamemnon
himself laments that Achilles is stealing
the thunder of kings. In Homer's Illiad,
Achilles is utterly narcissistic and egotistical.
Here they try to paint the character as
confused about his own motivations. It
doesn't work. Pitt doesn't pull off the
necessary acting dues, and, worse, the
movie itself feels unfocused. It would
have been better to portray Achilles as
the one dimensional supernatural hero
that Homer told us about (the only time
Hollywood tires to complicate characters
is precisely when it shouldn't!) Surely
Hollywood wasn't executing the idea to
make their precious "STAR" seem
less unsympathetic.. were they? The tension
between Agamemnon and Achilles is far
more pronounced in the Illiad. In attempting
to justify a plot didn't need defending,
or in attempting to ameliorate the protagonists'
implicit immorality that is the core of
Homer, the director has screwed up royally.
The chief driver in the Illiad is the
wrath of warriors, kings and gods having
their selfish desires thwarted and their
precious prides wounded. Troy
- the movie - didn't have the balls to
portray that, so the movie was emasculated.
Hector is portrayed as touchy feely: the
reluctant hero role, but Eric Bana, despite
being lumbered with this handicap, easily
outshines Bloom and Pitt.
>Whiney woman moaning music<
The scene with O'Tool and Pitt together
in the tent made for an interesting contrast
in acting prowess: tangential to heavy
cavalry charging against one-legged sulky
boy scouts armed with fearsome pea shooters.
>Whiney woman moaning music<
The battle scenes were what this movie
is really about, but much of the fighting
was blurred by endless close up can't-see-the-wood-for-the-trees
shots. Troy felt like Saving Private Ryan
for the beach landing sequence, Lord Of
The Rings Trilogy in expansive battle
scenes and various movies there after.
And this is why Troy is definitely worth
seeing, the action is edifying and, thanks
to some neat acting (not to be confused
with the dalliances of Pitt or Bloom),
the going never gets drab.
>Credits (Thank Zeus)<
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There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
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The Greeks sneak into Troy in a huge contraption
of wooden acting. Oh wait...
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