x2
Directed by Bryan Singer
2003 UK 12A USA PG-13
Frankly,
X2, sequel to
X-Men,
left me rather bored. Dammit. Definitely as
a kid I might have reveled in this story of
mutants with evolved superpowers, but it was
too safe, possibly too politically correct to
be exciting. There was something missing from
X2 and that was an element of
danger. I will explain why in due course.
Watching
X2, I was also in a position
of total ignorance having not read the X-Men
comics, or any super-hero comics come to that.
I was more of a sci-fi book geek. A friend assures
me that the movie is very faithful to the comics
and that, I suppose, is to be applauded. Mind
you, I expect the 3D characters of the comics
were more inspiring than the 2D characters in
X2 the movies. Actually Magnito
was rather interesting and multidimensional,
but that was down to the skill of the actor
rather than the screenplay.
X2 is the sequel to
X-Men
and if you have seen that movie then you know
the sort of thing to expect from
X2.
If you haven't seen it then just know the plot
is too silly to be worth explaining. You are
here for the eye candy, OK. All right, if you
insist, I will reveal a bit of the story. The
central theme, like the first movie, revolves
around the scheming by certain corrupt government
officials to outlaw mutants. The government
officials are themselves controlled by baddie
mutants. Sort of. Humans are irrelevant other
than an annoying excuse to peddle the "we are
all equal really" tiresome PC bullshit.
X-Men
and
X2 are actually half-assed
ventures of good mutant vs. evil mutant malarkey.
Humans rule the earth only as figureheads in
effect. In America politicians are themselves
figureheads for the increasingly monstrous MPA,
RIAA, Microsoft and various other corporate
entities and lobbyists that are buying laws
that sell people's rights - voters' rights -
for profit. See
Music
Rage. Money rules, common sense has nothing
to do with it. But I digress, back to mutants!
Mutants can read minds, teleport, stop time
dead, anything. Where as in the first movie
at least there was something vaguely awesome
about the mutants, in this move they are O so
***YAWN***. At the start of the first movie
there was something visceral about Wolf. In
this movie he seems to be reduced to the thankless
role of babysitter, or being startled by a stupid
pussy (no, nothing to do with Jean).
X2
contains not a jot mystery, not a smidgeon of
intrigue.
The opening scene is beefed up by the power of a choral masterpiece, but ultimately it is bloodless. And the movie catches fire only once, in a Magnito scene mentioned in the spoilers box.
The miscalculation that castrated
X2 (OK it was faithful to the comic, but so what?) was that the magical powers were too powerful and arbitrary. Are the
X-Men in trouble? Then fear not! They can teleport their way to safety. Or they can use their psychic powers to telekinetically bust their way out of the shit, brute force style. In fact they are so powerful that the movie has to struggle to contrive reasons why certain X-Men in peril cannot be saved by teleportation etc. If you bend the laws of physics too much, then anything is possible through pure magic and witchcraft. The upshot is that there is no suspense: you just sit there wondering what cheating gimmick they'll rely on this time.
X2 is like the dim-witted spoiled kid that cheats at games and thinks it is clever. Reminds me of the bloody awful ending of Star Trek Insurrection where the highlight of the movie has [*Star Trek spoiler*] Patrick Stewart (X-man Professor X, aptly enough) teleport out of the exploding ship. Where's the drama or creativity in that? Woe!
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spoilers corner
Spoilers!!!!
Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
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The bad blood between Wolverine and
the laser-eyes guy was just embarrassing.
These guys are supposed to be superheroes,
not bitching tarts. This was dire acting
on both sides and the scenes came over
as about as convincing as Madonna pleading
virginity. Talking of Madonna, she's
involved in the RIAA's (probably) fraudulent
flooding of Kazaa and other P2P networks
with mp3 files that pretend to be Madonna
songs but really contain the words "what
the fuck do you think you are doing".
This is supposed to stop kids sharing
music? Nice one Madonna and the RIAA.
The crass stupidity of the RIAA never
ceases to astonish me.
Back to the X2 Wolverine-X-ray guy fiasco: forget romance in action movies people! Besides, Rogue was rather sweeter than Jean, but that kiss of death thing is a bit of a bummer, it is true.
For me the highlight of this movie was Magneto's escape from his prison: those orbiting metal orbs were a nice creative touch and the scene where the grinning Magneto is reflected in the shot-up glass was perfect. The girl crying metal tears was also memorable. The "deaths" at the end were not really shown. Expect lots of They-Did-Not-Die-Really rats' poo in X3.
There was an absolutely hideous "we
gotta geddowdahere" type cliché in this
movie. Eadon's law of action movies:
there is no quality movie that contains
the words "godda geddowdahere". Well,
apart from A Fist Full Of Dollars, but
even then that line was the worst part
of that movie.
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There are no more spoilers below this
point, except maybe in any user talkback
comments.
End of spoilers corner
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X2 mutates into something actually worth watching
Andy Zagozda's
review
of X2
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| From: |
Talon | Subject: | 2003-05-16 22:43:22 |
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