xXx

xXx
directed by Rob Cohen


xXx is not so much an Idiot's guide to James Bond, but Bond for morons. xXx is an action/spy move and the action and the spying sucks. If your idea of fun is to have a yobbo get on motorbikes every few minutes and perform pointless jumps over high buildings, miraculously immune from hails of chopper gunfire, as explosions illuminate all around then this is for you. The premise is braindamaged, the stunts are braindamaged, the plot is braindamaged, and the protagonists are braindamaged. I read that a stunt man died making this movie. This movie was not even worth wasting a fingernail clipping on.

As a revenge movie, all the dumbing down prevalent in xXx could be grudgingly forgiven, but a spy movie that demands that the spy be ingenious yet weighs him down with the dialogue and mannerisms of a cretin? Yeah right. Then they filled the soundtrack with rap. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I suppose as that mortifyingly mindless shit gets more popular so it will pollute movie soundtracks due to directors increasingly desperate attempts to appear hip (i.e. suck up to 14-year-olds). Oh what a slavish, creatively bankrupt "entertainment" industry we have forced down our throats. The deification of the thug is not a good sign.

Still, if you've under 15 and easily impressed, this turd of a movie will be a blast. Probably. On the bright side: it doesn't have that tosser Mel Gibson in it.

spoilers corner Spoilers!!!! Warning: this box contains a movie post-mortem analysis that freely gives away important plot twists and details. If you have not yet seen this movie and intend seeing it, avoid this spoilers box until afterwards. Bookmark the page, see the movie, see if you agree with my review then write an arsy comment saying I am talking total b*ll*cks :-)
	There was too much that was illogical in xXx, even for a tongue in cheek spy movie. Let's take the ending with the speed boat. That boat conveniently kept pace with the car: doing a ton in the country then allowing the car to keep up with it through the presumably bustling streets of Prague and intercept it on a pretty bridge! Just in time for our Neanderthal (no offence to Neanderthals) hero to board it using that sickening American flag parachute (oh fuck off, you flag-waving oh-so-patriot U.S. film makers. Memo to Hollywood: the world does NOT love you. Waving your wretched flag in every single movie you make will not endear you: it merely makes you seem rather keen to brag. Why would you want to brag?). All this would not be such a problem if xXx had style. But it has all the class of a pool of dog vomit. xXx can kiss my arse.
There are no more spoilers below this point, except maybe in any user talkback comments. End of spoilers corner

Jim's preferred ending: Bad guy kicks x's dumb ass to Hell and back and back to Hell and leaves him there. The end.

Rating: 1.5/5

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From:	Sandra White	Subject:	Affiliate program	2006-02-08 02:53:37

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