Howard was intrigued
'What? Sue's
dumped you?' asked.
Dominic bawled to the sky.
'It's frightful! I really thought we'd a stable
relationship. Oh Sue, my love, why did you spurn
me so?'
Howard was beginning to formulate a theory about
the nature of the ego, or rather the adult,
heterosexual, male ego. He surmised that such
an ego was controlled by women as surely as
if its metaphorical testicles were cradled in
a long-nailed hand.
They walked a few paces in silence.
'The ego shields us from naked reality,' said
Howard. 'That makes us vulnerable to the influence
of others. That's why life is so bloody disappointing
all the time. Yeah, that's an absolute bitch
about Sue!'
'Yes. Terrible, terrible business! That's the
chief reason I called round here. I needed
to get out of the awfully quiet flat and speak
about it to a chap who doesn't know Sue very
well. I wanted to speak with a chap who wouldn't
go and regurgitate to Sue, or her friends, my
confessions.'
'My confidence is yours, not a dicky bird will
pass from my lips when another is near.'
They arrived at the corner shop. They bought
frozen pizza, bread and a few other provisions
from the crammed shelves.
Once outside again, Dominic continued his relating
of his personal tragedy. Howard listened keenly.
'I don't mind telling you she's an awfully bonnie
lass as bonnie as her hair is curly. She has
such an undemanding magic about her. Sue reminded
me somewhat of the number six. She was a six
dimensional girl breathing and projecting in
six dimensions. She had an affinity with the
number six. I'll tell you what I
do
believe: in love. Love makes a fellow jolly
happy. You, me, the world! One's slave to one's
desires and to love, and love jolly well fucks
you up. It's a devilish thing to say but one's
duty is to heave one's self kicking and screaming
out of love.'
'Sue's very good looking.'
'Ah yes. Quite. The matter would be so much
the better were Sue ugly, were she a fat lump
instead of the delightful shape that she is.'
'Why?'
'Then it would have been
me who dumped
her!'
'You're bitter, aren't you?'
'My good man! Keep endorsing that spiffing English
tradition of stating the ever so obvious,' said
Dominic.
Stepping through the front door into the hallway
of the house, Howard and Dominic could hear
Greg exciting the girls with a juicy anecdote
about the night before. The girls laughed merrily.
'Pray!' groaned Dominic as he and Howard sat
down in the smoky lounge, 'don't mention last
night!'
'Ohhh, come on,' said Gallie. She affected
her most appealing facial expression and beguiling
voice. 'Tell us what's on your mind, Dom, dear.'
'Absolutely nothing. A trifle. Nothing of the
faintest consequence.' Dominic looked at Gallie
coyly. 'Oh, all right! I see you won't let
a fellow be. My girlfriend ditched me last
night, confound it!'
'Sue's
dumped you?' asked Greg suddenly
leaning forward.
Dominic said nothing. The ensuing long, silent
pause complemented the misery that set his face.
'Weeeell,' said Gallie soothingly, 'might you
two not get back together again? I mean, all
couples have rows now and again.'
'I wish it
had been that, a cross disagreement
in the heat of the moment that can be healed
with the balm of sweet words, chocolates and
flowers. No she meant it. Even if she altered
her fancy and, upon her pretty hands and knees,
begged me to forgive her, I couldn't. All my
feelings are absolute wrecks!'
'I remember,' said Karen, 'when...'
Howard nipped into the kitchen, put some frozen
pizza beneath the grill, upon the grease-filled
tray, turned the gas onto maximum. Upon returning
Karen was still instilling Dominic with the
benefit of her
relationships do break up
speech. Greg cast Gallie a funny look. She
pursed her lips with suppressed mirth before
resuming her bottomless concentration upon the
gruelling matter of Dominic's shattered love
life. Meanwhile Dominic was listening intently
to Karen's counsel but looked disconsolate.
'... It's all really about mutual nurturing and
mutual appreciation, actually. Steve and me
have such a compassionately, tightly knit bond
because-'
'Because you suck his dick, basically,' butted
in Greg.
'
Greg! Really, do you
have to?'
Karen threw her arms in the air in protest.
'Oh Greg, you
are rude!' was Gallie's
rejoinder.
'Dom, forget all that relationship crap!' said
Greg, stubbing out a cigarette. 'If a chick
wants it, sock it to her. If she's got some
quandary about that, move on. Fuck her mates
or her mother or something. Heed the wise words
of Prophet Greg:
never dwell on the bonk
that got away! Go out there and pull yourself
another piece of ass.'
Karen's cheeks reddened with fury at Greg's
usurping her as Dominic's counsel.
'God, Greg, you're so, like, totally immature!'
she fumed.
Greg lit up.
'Karen, darling, no one buys your artsy fartsy,
Mills and Boon, boy-meets-girl, boy-falls-in-love-with-girl,
they-live-happily-ever-bleeding-after, touchy
feely bollocks, not for a single minute.'
'That's like, totally rich!' shouted Karen.
'For you, Greg, women are actually an amusing
pastime to fill the gap in your shallow fucking
life between fucking football and being, like,
smashed out of your head, actually! You will
go and screw around with your totally empty
one-night-stands, but relationships are all,
like, nothing but a stupid game to you!'
Greg. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled
casually.
'
Sodom and Gomorrah! What's with the
bleeding barney? All I'm saying is this: and
this you should learn about chicks: every chick
is different, unique, one of a kind, a damned
escapade! The trick is to pull them and ditch
them before they become a pain in the knackers,
like
you!'
Howard didn't agree. His idyllic object was
to make Gallie his wife. She would make him
joyous everlastingly!
No one spoke. Greg and Karen smoked. Dominic
was unable to settle his downcast eyes. Gallie
looked at him and gently smiled.
'Oh don't worry, Dom,' she said. 'Karen and
Greg have been kind of barneying from the very
moment Greg was sick in her kettle.'
Karen sniffed the air, and wrinkled her nose.
'Can you smell
burning?'
'Oh
shit,' cried Howard. He dashed into
the acrid black smoke that belched from the
kitchen.
***
*****
***
They stood outside the Odeon Cinema in the center
of town, its facade of creamy lights blinked
against the chilly blackness of the night. Howard,
Dominic, Gallie, Karen and Greg walked through
glass doors into the saffron hued foyer.
At that moment Howard felt an unpleasant jolt
surge through his nervous system. It like a
blow to a pressure point. His reviled enemy
was before him. Alone stood the baseball-capped
student with the asymmetrical mouth and protruding
ears and lanky frame was clad in a black, purple
and yellow tracksuit with a Walkman attached
to his waist. Huge, worn Doc Mertens clamped
his feet. The dark-haired woman this perfidious
student had snogged in Donovan Hall was nowhere
to be seen.
Heart thumping, Howard prepared to confront
this detested antagonist, this foul snitch who
had betrayed him and caused him to be banned
from lectures. His muscles tensed as if hydraulically
pumped with adrenalin.
Deciding that gladiatorial violence was the
first resort, Howard clenched his fists and
advanced upon his foe. His gait was apt for
a funeral dirge - rigid with vexation and laden
with doom.
He was overtaken.
Arms flailing, Karen dashed up to his hated
and threw herself at this odious creature.
He twirled her off her feet. She span for three
orbits, her colourful scarves swirling artfully.
Then, giggling, she embraced him tightly and
kissed him with neither thought paid to time
nor good old-fashioned English reserve.
This latest onslaught to his expectations caused
Howard to stumble. His countenance was devastated
as if ravaged by a tempest. He stood in a frozen
half-fall and stared in horror.
Karen laughed happily and brought the baseball-capped
one over to her housemates. Howard was the nearest.
'Howard, this is
Steve!!!' she gushed,
with import fitting for a Head Of State.
Steve released his one-armed grip on Karen's
shoulder and held out a confident hand. With
rancid diplomacy Howard looked upon the proffered
appendage as if it was a writhing clutch of
lampreys. Refusing the hand, Howard shuddered
with revulsion as he raised his gaze and looked
at Steve the traitor eye to eye.
Steve's eyes narrowed.
'Yo, man, we ain't met before man?'
Howard visibly flinched at the sound of that
treacherous voice; the bitter memories of
that
lecture grew yet more lucid.
'Perhaps.'
'Yeah its, like,
déjà too or something,
right? Cool to meet ya, man.'
Karen led Steve to Dominic. The confused frown
that had contorted Steve's face lifted.
'Cool to meet ya too, dude,' he said, making
Dominic nervous with a heterogeneously choreographed
handshake.
Howard saw Karen's bright, happy face and he
recalled once again the snogging he had witnessed
in Donovan Hall between Steve and the dark-haired
woman. Black thoughts of Steve's betrayals
swirled through his mind, pursued by turbulent
notions of vengeance. His opportunity for revenge
was ripe. He could tell Karen about the dark
haired woman there and then! How sweet that
would be!
He hesitated.
Nervousness about upsetting Karen stilled his
tongue: after all, he had known Karen for only
a few days. He knew how intimidating she could
be.
Steve turned to face Greg. 'Yo Greg!'
'Er, yeah.' Greg grunted.
Greg seemed barely acknowledged Steve's existence.
Steve failed to betray any sign of being perturbed
by Greg's contemptuousness, but Karen scowled.
Steve glanced back at her and her face brightened
into a broad, ingratiating grin.
'Yo Gallie,' said Steve. 'I checked out ya
hair. Love the do! Suits ya!'
'Ohhhh, Thank you! You're looking like a
cooool
dude tonight!'
'Too right, Gallie. And you is real keen, mean
and lean yourself, baby!'
Gallie beamed. 'I
love it when you call
me
lean!'
Steve giggled loudly. Heads turned to see what
the fuss was about. They queued for tickets
and filed into the smoking half of the cinema
seating. The Pearl And Dean theme
pa-pa-ed
its herald of the forthcoming adverts, in one
of which a young gent trekked into a laundrette
and stripped off most of his clothing in order
to sell jeans, music and himself. In another,
kids in irredeemably brightly coloured clobber
grinning whitely at one another. They rammed
gaudily hued, sugar-coated chocolates between
their clinical, blinding teeth. Needless to
say, all these teeny beings were slim and had
perfect skin. Howard understood that, contrary
to the ad, these sweets were eaten by obese
types with skin as unblemished as bubbling lava.
Restlessly, Howard glanced over to where Gallie
was sitting. She was talking to Karen. Sitting
next to Karen was the unpleasant Steve who banged
his headphoned head against an imaginary wall.
Greg quaffed from a smuggled can of Super and
chatted with Dominic. They laughed a lot. Howard
yearned to sit next to Gallie. He was more
besotted with her than ever. His virginity
was still intact, and he decided he wanted to
lose it with her.
Dominic turned to him.
'It's quite the most frightful thing. Greg tells
me he's laid that usherette, don't you know.
In the projector room! I take it that it happened
during a movie called
The Terminator!'
 | | | | |
| From: |
Jack House | Subject: | 2001-09-23 11:13:51 |
| | | | |
help: how to add your comment Page hits: 1125Any thoughts or feedback?
Add your comment
