Howard had arranged for Dominic and he to meet
for lunch. They sat in a noisy canteen in the
upper reaches of the Students Union building.
Over dire chilli con carne, Howard casually
told Dominic that he had looked depressed lately.
Dominic expressed surprise and claimed to be
happier than he had ever been in his entire
life - and it was all thanks to Gallie.
'Howie, my dear fellow, I can't thank you enough
for introducing me to such a deuced splendid
girl!'
'No need to thank me, old mucker, what are friends
for?'
Dominic smiled at the reply, innocent of the
raking irony with which it was uttered. He
glanced around the room furtively and lowered
his voice.
'My dear fellow, you've been so awfully good
to me! I've not told a soul the rather important
secret I'm about to entrust you with but I want
you to be the first fellow to learn. Between
you, I and these four walls, I will imminently
beg Gallie's fair hand in marriage.'
Dominic beamed in anticipation of Howard's congratulatory
response.
Howard gawped in horror.
'No! Don't do it Dom!' he cried, once his panic
loosened its grip on his vocal chords.
Howard said that Dominic was not wholly sincere
in his burgeoning relationship and that the
woman Dominic really loved was
Sue. Howard
told him that he should feel guilty because
Gallie was merely a substitute for Sue, his
first - and true - love. Dominic tapped his
thumbnail against his lower lip. With every
attribute of his posture and every movement
that made up his gestures, Dominic broadcast
that he was a man severely ill at ease with
himself.
'Oh, don't get me wrong,' whispered Howard,
'Gallie
likes you, she
really
likes you, but she thinks that the whole thing
is just a fling, and will never be anything
more. That's women for you. They're always
saying the opposite to what they mean and expect
us to correctly interpret their code. When women
say they love you it can be a bad sign because
they actually
mean the opposite, you
see.'
Howard's guilt prevented him from looking Dominic
in the eye. His food became the focal point
of his vision, yet his appetite failed him,
so he agitatedly pushed the purple beans round
the plate with his fork.
Dominic pulled a small black box from his jeans
pocket.
'I have to say, you've nailed it, Howie, I'm
batting on a sticky wicket! I simply rush in
to things without so much as a sensible thought.'
Dominic flipped the lid of the box to reveal
a chunky silver ring.
'Have no fear: I'll return it to the jewellers
post haste. Thanks Howie.'
'No need to thank me, old mucker, what are friends
for?'
With the mist of severe disappointment in his
eyes, Dominic rubbed his chin with his thumb.
Howard, barely able to look at his companion
at all, made his excuses and slipped away. Walking
down the stairway he cursed, putting the blame
for his self-seeking deceit at the door of his
twisted grandmother. It was she, Granny Grail,
who made his act this way! Emerging through
double doors at the Students Union foyer, his
eyes locked onto a couple who were hugging and
laughing. He envied their angelic intimacy and
mirth that contrasted so painfully with his
dismal, diabolical and mean-spirited self-awareness.
***
*****
***
For most of the idle span of his two decades
of existence, Howard had dined on minor gastronomic
masterpieces prepared by his mother with her
accustomed prowess. The wholesomeness of his
diet had since nose-dived. Virtuous food was
not worth the effort, he repeatedly told himself
as he chewed his charred supermarket sausage
and mash pie.
Karen waltzed into the room. She wore black
today, black leggings, a black frilly top and
jet jewellery.
'Actually, I'm trying to talk Steve into joining
the Students Dram Soc, I think the audience
would, like, really
respond to him.'
'I'm
sure they would,' said Greg. 'He
better be good at dodging rotten tomatoes.'
'Huh, fuck you. You go and shove it,' countered
Karen, holding an erect second finger aloft.
'
I should be a thesp,' orated Greg in
an actorly timbre. 'I would be the
toast
of the luvvies.' He cleared his throat and raised
himself to his full height. 'To hump or not
to hump, that is the question!' Now Greg was
murmuring histrionically. 'Whether tis nobler
of the pecker to shag the slags and harlots
of outrageous frigging,' at this point Greg's
voice thrust into a crescendo of thunder: 'or
knob a sea of dirty tarts!'
Howard sensed he was not entirely alone in being
stunned by the masterful power of Greg's performance.
But the other's seemed indifferent, as if they
were used to such outbursts.
'Well, Steve will be here in a mo actually,
I will just freshen up my makeup,' said Karen.
She skipped joyfully from the lounge; her uncharacteristically
sombre black outfit seemed at odds with her
light prance.
'Everybody knows that maggot's two-timing her,
except Kas, the daft cow,' said Greg.
Howard recalled seeing Steve with the strange
dark haired girl at Donovan Hall of Residence.
'Ah, love is soooooo blind,' said Gallie.
'If love is blind it is also deaf as a post
and dumb as, well, as dumb as Kazza,' said Greg.
'I reckon love has excellent senses,' said Howard.
'It tricks you into thinking your partner is
better than they really are; its a fibber with
perfect eyesight.'
'Kas sticks her head in the bleeding sand and
takes it,' said Greg.
'Greg, that's
terrible,' protested Gallie.
'Soooo, we should say
something!'
'We?
You! For
Sodom's sake, Gallie
you tell her, she's
your bleeding
cohort, not mine.'
'Well I can't bring myself to tell her.'
'Gallie, it really is frigging simple. Just
her Steve's fucking another chick. You've got
to be cruel to be kind.'
Karen appeared at the lounge doorway and looked
at her companions keenly.
'Cruel?'
Gallie and Greg looked at each other as they
lit their cigarettes. Gallie seemed nervous.
Greg sounded as if he were making small talk
about the weather.
'Karen darling-'
'What
is it?' said Karen, sitting down
and leaning forwards on the sofa in the direction
of Greg's armchair.
'I'll break it to ya gently. Steve's porking
another chick.'
Karen looked at Gallie for backup but upon Gallie's
face was mortification that could only have
been inspired by the truth.
'
What? Actually Greg, you're a total
bastard! How dare you?'
'Quite easily Kas, I couldn't give a frigging
shit.'
Karen her hand to her mouth and furiously bit
on her thumb. Her voice was so keyed up it was
nearly a scream.
'Gallie, is this, like, one of Greg's sick jokes?'
Gallie's eloquent silence brought no relief.
She blew smoke in a tremulous downward jet.
Howard too shrank back into his chair, wishing
to be invisible.
'Like,
prove it!' raged Karen formidably.
'You really can't prove it can you? This is
totally over the top! I don't care what you
say or think or do or guess or feel. I
know.
I
know Steve is over one hundred percent
faithful. I know that he would never,
ever
cheat on me,
ever, out of our beautiful
and mutual love for each other. Besides, he
knows if he
ever fucking screwed around
I'd literally
castrate him with a rusty
blade.'
Greg fished an elongated metallic object from
his jacket pocket and proffered it to Karen
'Here babe, use mine.'
 | | | | |
| From: |
Jigga | Subject: | 2001-11-25 20:01:51 |
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| From: |
Kaiser Sose | Subject: | 2001-11-25 23:46:07 |
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| From: |
Knoeier | Subject: | 2001-11-28 05:07:54 |
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| From: |
MadPotty | Subject: | 2001-11-30 14:28:53 |
| | | | |
| From: |
MadPole | Subject: | 2001-12-01 14:59:05 |
| | | | |
| From: |
MadPole | Subject: | 2001-12-02 18:40:58 |
| | | | |
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