'Take a jolly good tip from me, good fellow,
Vitamin C and selenium tablets are the only
thing. Clears the old system of those terrible
mitochondria-eating free radicals,' said Dominic.
He blew cigarette smoke into the air and pointed
to Karen's tropical plant on the lounge windowsill.
Its serrated leaves seemed to shrug. 'I say,
that's a rather fetching object d'art! There's
more friendship in those little buds than a
nursery of a conceited roses. Howard, I've a
perfectly dastardly matter to ply you with.'
Howard suggested a trip to the Students Union
for an early pint and a game of pinball. They
left the house.
'Poor Gallie! Can't say I know how to explain
this but I think I find I'm not sure I cherish
her now,' lamented Dominic as they shuffled
down the Chillington Road. 'I just can't explain
it, I adored her awfully; was mesmerised; she
beguiled my soul. And now? Nothing. All that
love? Gone to the Devil! Can all that frightfully
deep emotion, all those wretched nights spent
tossing and turning, all those tormented days
come to naught? Feel as if I've had a lobotomy,
Howie. I dare say, dear chap, Gallie was just
a frightful phase I was going through. The conflagration
in my heart is extinguished.'
'Ah, the mysteries of love,' said Howard trying
to force a sympathetic tone.
Inwardly he was delighted. Gallie was available
at last! And Granny Grail's herbs had actually
worked! They really had ruined Dominic and Gallie's
fling.
Once within the Student's Union building, they
perused the cramped isles of the shop. Howard
scanned the shelves of stationary, posters,
greetings cards and plasticky knick-knacks before
buying a post card with which to congratulate
his foul grandmother for her sinister craft.
They shuffled into the churning darkness of
the bar. It was early Monday evening but the
place was surprisingly crowded. Students were
dotted around scribbling essays over a pint
or chugging money into a multi-choice trivia
game machine. The newly invented CD jukebox
technology was put to diligent use as usual.
"
Why does it take the tears of a woman
to see how men are", whined
Aztec
Camera through the speakers.
Howard and Dominic bought student-subsidised
pints of bitter and headed for the pinball machines.
Three of these were in line down the side of
a corridor leading away from the Union bar.
Howard approached the first machine and shoved
a fifty pence coin into it. No sooner had the
coin clunked into its bowels did a mechanical
voice welcome its user in a major key trill
of enthusiasm.
'Dear fellow, your rather charming female housemate-'
'Not now Dominic!'
Feeling edgy, Howard steered the conversation
towards less challenging territories. The antics
of the Redater football team became a topic
of urgency fit for discussion to the exclusion
of all else.
That night Howard lay awake and nervously threw
his duvet about. He composed tortured stratagems
to lure Gallie into his bed. Dominic had
almost
stolen her. This time he must not waste this
chance to secure the girl. Sleep finally accosted
him at five in the morning and he awoke soon
afterwards feeling restless and unrested. He
had dreamed he had grown a fine sunflower of
sturdy girth and a shining head of petals. A
giant machine shredded it. From the compost
sprang new sunflowers, which blazed more magically
than the first. But the petals were red.
His mind began to swarm with semi-formed ideas
and ill-focused notions.
***
*****
****
That Friday evening Gallie solicited from Howard
a lift to Redater Central Railway Station. As
he gallantly battled through the Friday night
traffic she told him she needed a weekend break
away with friends to help her to come to terms
with losing Dominic, who hadn't even returned
her calls. Howard offered his insincere condolences
whilst failing to prevent a guilty yet triumphant
grin from playing upon his face.
He carried her suitcase and chatted to her on
the platform as they shivered against the damp
cold. Tearfully she wondered out loud if she
had done something to wrong him or displease
Dominic in some way. Howard shrugged.
'Who cares, Dominic is fickle and heartless.
On the other hand,
I would
never
do anything that might wound your feelings!'
But Gallie disregarded his hints and talked
only of Dominic until the train ground into
the station an hour late. Sobbing, she pecked
him on the cheek and was gone.
Howard ruefully wondered if his cold-blooded
treachery would ever be rewarded more warmly.
***
*****
****
'Pulling a woman is a military operation,' confided
Greg conspiratorially. 'Stealth is king and
a detailed surveillance of her perimeter fortifications
is bloody essential.'
Howard and Greg faced each other over a beer
swept table in a bar adjacent to the thrumming
Friday night student disco. From the main hall
the dull thud of
Men At Work's
Down
Under fought the chatter and hubbub of the
students. The latter congregated in thrall of
drink and lust, true to their common ritual
conviction.
'Greg, does that mean you must ogle her tits
whilst she's not looking?'
'
Sodom and Gomorrah, mate, you're cooking
on
gas! That's the easy bit. This is
where
Operation Snatch gets tricky. Know
that her pussy is very
very well guarded.
You must crack those defences or it's
man
down...'
Behind Greg, Howard saw Dominic's ex, Sue, emerge
from the crowds like a butterfly absconding
its chrysalis. Adorned in a skimpy white dress
she ran an elegant hand through cascades of
wavy blonde hair. Howard imagined her skipping
peacefully through life, unaware she was leaving
a bloody trail of smashed hearts in her wake.
Her beauty magnified each time he saw her. Other
women frowned surreptitiously at her, their
envy masquerading as bland disapproval. Men
simply ogled with undisguised lust. None make
their move, as if stayed by a force field of
doubt.
'Once locked onto the target, docking manoeuvres
must be executed with bleeding
surgical
precision...'
'
Greg! There! Sue! Behind you!' gasped
Howard.
Greg raised his eyebrows. The goddess in white
disappeared into the crowds. Greg led the pursuit.
They emerged at the dance floor and stared into
the light jabbed murk.
Twenty minutes later, after what seemed like
an eternity of queuing, Howard returned to the
table at the periphery of the dance floor, struggling
with the two pints and two Pernod and lemonades
and joined Greg, Sue and her gorgeous brunette
friend.
Howard's eyes drifted down to a gold cross,
which dangled from a silver chain. The glow
of her skin was not displaced by the precious
metals. His eyes unfocussed just for a moment
as he fell into a trance.
'Which of you beauties wants to boogie?' said
Greg.
Howard squinted at Sue. She offered her flawless
hand and the four weaved into the dancing crowd.
The Bangles' daft song
Walk Like An
Egyptian thundered from the PA system and,
with the extravagance of a peacock, Greg paraded
his Egyptian dance. In comparison Howard knew
his own gyrations to be rendered pointless yet
he didn't dare try to compete with the insane
flamboyance that powered Greg's act. Only Greg,
with his characteristic gurning and imposing
frame, could shock. Sue and her brunette friend
howled with mirth at his masterpiece. Howard
felt the acid feelings of inadequacy set in.
The next song was a dance remix of the languid
New Order track
Blue Monday. Sue infringed
upon Howard's insecurities by paying undivided
attention to Greg's magniloquent posturing.
Howard was too edgy to absorb the music, his
muscles misfired and he staggered like an epileptic
insect.
As he and Sue returned to their table, Howard
spied Dominic whose back faced towards him.
His mind turned to the danger Dominic posed
even now to his plot to win Gallie.
'Why don't you dance with Dominic? The slow
numbers are just starting,' suggested Howard
magnanimously
Sue froze. Her beauty served to make her anger
more intimidating.
'Are you mocking me? I'm not an idiot you know!'
She threw her drink in Howard's face.
Dabbing the pungent, sticky wetness from around
his blinking eyes, Howard staggered from the
table and looked in confusion towards the dance
floor, at the hugging couples rocking to a romantic
tune. Dominic was leading a woman into the midst
of the rocking couples and clasped her tenderly.
Howard looked amazed.
'
Karen!'
He gawped at the sight. Firstly Dominic had
poached the affections and, no doubt, the body
of Gallie.
Now he was on intimate terms
with his other female housemate. The temerity
of the seductions was all the more galling because
Howard himself had managed to bed
no one.
Dominic's face was serene as he cradled Karen
and fondled her breasts. Karen looked deeply
aroused and squeezed his skinny backside. Then
they kissed. Howard felt disgusted and nauseous.
After the second slow tune warbled to an end
glaring lights switched on and the intimate
dance floor became an overexposed desert. As
the students drifted out into the foyer, alone
in the centre of the dance floor were Dominic
and Karen were snogging. Howard instantly found
himself drawn to her and he envied Dominic yet
more sorely. Here was his hot-headed housemate
on the rebound from her painful split with the
loathsome Steve: a sitting target for seduction.
He hadn't recognised this.
Dominic
had.
Howard looked around him, at chatting groups
and lovers canoodling in darkened enclaves,
and felt exposed. He swigged the remains of
his beer and threw down the plastic glass. It
bounced discordantly on the tiled floor. Greg,
Sue and her brunette friend were nowhere to
be seen. With a staggered gait he left the Students'
Union building and climbed the incline of the
Chillington Road towards Napoleon Terrace. With
each staccato step he wished
he had Karen
all to himself.
He was alone. He cursed miserably. He had been
unable to penetrate the fortified defences.
'Man
fucking down.'
 | | | | |
| From: |
MadPole | Subject: | 2002-03-10 11:39:03 |
| | | | |
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