In his dream Howard had to present a lecture
at the University on the sizzling topic of sex
- a terrifying prospect as he had scant knowledge
of the subject. The lecture was heavily subscribed.
He sweated over the photocopier in the Students'
Union lobby hoping to make enough copies of
his notes in time. A livid queue of people waited
for him.
He awoke and smirked with relief. But he really
had
believed that he had to front a lecture
on sex. His gullibility when asleep was absolute.
But what if he was just as gullible when awake?
Life, after all, was absurd when one thought
about it. Was he
missing something? Something
big? Something fundamental? Was he being gullible
about his entire existence? Was the whole experience
of existence just a strange, ephemeral flicker
of no more significance than a fantasy? He had
often questioned whether everything and everyone
were generated by his imagination but he had
never before taken the question seriously.
He washed but still looked bedraggled. It was
noon when Greg arrived at the house. He casually
revealed he had bedded Sue and her friend simultaneously.
'Basically, I scored from twenty-five bleeding
yards.'
Greg bragged how the girls had continued where
they had left off in the morning and then they
had obliged him with a full English breakfast.
Howard felt sickened.
'Greg, how do you do it? The only thing I got
from Sue last night was a fucking Martini and
lemonade pitched in my face.'
Karen dashed ran up the hallway and danced to
some imaginary music.
'I absolutely
am in love! Dominic is
a gorgeous, sensitive, lush male! All men are
total bastards but Dominic is, like, really
different.'
Howard observed her with fresh vision. Indeed
she was more attractive than all the times he
had previously perceived her. Her eyes were
vivacious and her face filled with resolve.
She had become desirable even to his sore mind.
'Karen, you've been a
very naughty girl,'
jeered Greg.
Karen looked sheepish.
'Look, you won't say a word of any of this to
Gallie will you? You neither, Howard!'
'What matter exactly should we not mention?'
enquired Howard with mock innocence.
'You
know what! Don't mention to Gallie
about, you know,
Dominic.'
'Gallie!' yelled Greg with formidable amplitude,
'Karen's been fucking your boyfriend!'
Karen looked mortified.
'If Gallie was here, you'd be fucking dead meat
Greg, you stupid fucking bastard!'
Greg entertained himself for a few minutes,
teasing Karen about how enraged Gallie would
be should she discover the truth. When Karen
had reached a towering state of panic Greg smiled
and promised not to tell. To ease Karen's disquietude
Howard also pledged to keep the secret, at least
until she had had a chance to break the news
to Gallie in person.
'You're safe from me for the time being,' said
Greg. 'I'm off to The Smoke to see some mates.'
'Will you be gone for long?' asked Karen.
'Dunno. A day or two. Remind me to put a can
of petrol in my bike before I hit the road.'
'Put a can of petrol in your bike before you
hit the road,' said Karen sarcastically.
'Remind me to rub your tits before I go.'
Karen made no reply.
'Ah, your fucking tongue is still now, stupid
bitch!' said Greg.
'Actually, fuck you, you totally stupid moron!'
So it was that Greg went to London. Over the
remainder of the weekend Howard did not see
Karen or Dominic. He supposed that they were
ensconced at Dominic's pad. All alone he yearned
for Gallie's return. She did not arrive. His
solitude bored him but he was too listless to
venture out into the wintry evening in search
of company. He insincerely persuaded himself
that watching the television was a more pressing
task than trying to catch up with his monumental
pile of undone course work. He watched hour
after hour of television. Each hour brought
more restless guilt than the last. No one came.
***
*****
***
Braced by the freezing wind Howard returned
from an early Monday evening bout of five-aside
football. He was exhausted yet his mood was
elevated. He felt a further buzz when, as he
stepped through the front door, he saw, or rather
heard, Gallie talking to someone in the lounge.
Realising she was on the phone he ventured into
the increasingly messy kitchen to heat a can
of chilli con carne.
Her telephone conversation concluded, Gallie
told him how when she had telephoned Dominic
on Saturday he had told her that their relationship
was unquestionably finished. When she had insisted
on discussing the situation Dominic had been
vague and evasive. All she had managed to ascertain
about the matter was that Dominic had not got
back together with Sue. When she had asked if
another woman was involved Dominic had announced
that he was suddenly pressed for time and had
ended the call politely but abruptly.
'Howie, do you know who the other woman is?'
asked Gallie. She looked at him with an uncharacteristically
piercing eye.
'I can't say I know,' shrugged Howard who had,
after awkward deliberation, determined to honour
Karen's request that her lustful liaison with
Dominic be kept undisclosed.
Gallie cast her eyes to the floor. Recovering
herself she tipped two teaspoonfuls of coffee
into each of two mugs and poured boiled water
from a saucepan. Howard fetched some ageing
milk from the fridge. Back in the lounge Gallie
speculated that Dominic must have found a very
special girl indeed. It just was not like him
to act so decisively. Gallie surmised that Dominic's
new love must be a formidable girl indeed, a
girl capable of knocking him off his feet.
'Ahhh, he must be so smitten with her that he
no longer cares about me or my feelings,' she
bemoaned with a deep sigh. 'I'm not sure this
girl is good for him.'
'Love does strange things to a man,' Howard
suggested hopefully.
'Ohhh, I thought Dom loved
me!'
'I'm sure he still harbours
affections
for you.'
'Ahhh, thanks Howard. You're nice even if Dominic
is not nice. Not anymore anyway. What wicked
woman has done this to him? Ahhh! I hope I don't
meet her. I never want to meet her!'
'I'm sure you might quite like Dominic's new
girlfriend.'
'I would not!' Gallie scrunched up her face.
'I'm sure you would get on with her like a house
on fire,' he said, unable to resist exchanging
diplomacy for mischief.
'Ah! I would set
her house on fire!'
'I'm sure you wouldn't do
that!'
Her coffee mug looked huge in her petit hand
as she brought it to her small, mouth. Howard
found her slightly imperfect features irresistible.
He surreptitiously peaked at her pleasingly
curved breasts but his eye lingered just as
willingly on her face and her sandy hair. His
mind churned with agonised vacillation: should
he put his arm around her? Several times his
arm jerked towards her as if controlled by an
external force, only to stop before its intention
became tangible. He dithered until she shifted
her posture. She leaned with her back diagonally
facing away from him with her legs pulled up
and hugged between her arms. Technically a comforting
arm around the shoulder was no longer a possibility.
After an interminable, loudmouthed episode of
Cagney and Lacy on the television Gallie
declared she loved that program. She yawned,
said goodnight and wearily trudged from the
room. He picked up an old red-headered tabloid
newspaper with no intention of reading it. He
stared unseeingly at its shouting inanity while
his mind ground through endless what-if contemplations.
Should he follow her to her room to platonically
comfort her? Should he just ask her for sex?
His train of thought looped: his sequenced speculations
skipped from conclusion to conclusion until
they ended up back where they began with more
questions raised and none resolved.
 | | | | |
| From: |
Knor | Subject: | 2002-04-20 09:03:50 |
| | | | |
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